Articles

SOCIAL MEDIA DIVORCE COURT


– Order in the court!
– Objection! – Sustained!
– Overruled! SHUT UP! The world of social media is treacherous and full of betrayal. Thankfully, Leslie “the Punch” Punch is in the courtroom. (audience): The Punch! And justice will be served – in Social Media Divorce Court. This is the hearing of Jack and Susan a recently divorced couple fighting over control of their dog’s Instagram account. Okay. Jack? Susan? Present! Let’s start at the beginning. Who set up the account? – I did, your honor.
– No you didn’t, Jack. I was the one who decided to come up with an Instagram account for our dog. Sweetie, that’s not true. You – you’ve never even taken a picture of a dog, so — Alright, reel it in or else someone’s gonna get PUNCHED! – [boxing ring bell]
– Ooooohhh! How’d they get the… that’s cool. You’re both claiming to have setup the accounts? (both): Yes. Well… looks like SOMEBODY here’s trying to yank my lady chain! Is that a tampon? So we’re gonna take a look at the dog’s Instagram, alright? Oh, that’s adorable! Who came up with “labradoratheexplora”? I did. Susan’s my name, and puns are my game. [conceited chuckle] Well… Jack is my name, and I also play games… with – with puns. [sniffle] Okay. Oh, that’s cute! “Bone jour” Who came up with that? (Both): I did. Okay we’re not gonna get anywhere this way. So you know what that means? We’re gonna have ourselves… a CAPTION-OFF! Ooooooooh! I’m gonna show you photos of your dog that you haven’t posted yet and then each of you are gonna provide a caption. And the viewers at home are gonna vote and decide who wins… and who… gets PUNCHED! – [boxing ring bell]
– Oooooohhh! Ah, this sounds fun, baby. – Get off.
– I’m sorry. Our first photo. Begin! Oh I – I got one. Uh, it’s time to… It’s finger lickin’ good! [clap, snap] Jack, is that the slogan from KFC? Ah, dang, yeah I had KFC last night. Okay, Susan? [clears throat] HAYY! I’m… WAGGON’ my tail for this ride. [laughs] Oh, Susan that was delightful! Next photo – BEGIN! How ’bout… Bow-wow-dy partner. – [Susan chuckles]
– [Judge laughs] That’s good. Jack? There’s a snake in my… dog bone… Oh my goodness. Cowboy hat. Final photo. Begin. The dog-tor is in. Oh! [cackles, slaps hand on bench] Your test results are in! You only have 6 months to live because you have extreme dog cancer. Caption-off over. Now, while America decides who gets sole ownership of the Instagram account there’s one more matter I need to discuss with you both. The custody of your only child. (Both): Who? (narrator): Jack and Susan’s son Ronnie has been staying at his grandma’s house ever since the petting zoo incident. Oh… that child. Hi Mom! Hi Dad! You know what, Judge? I just decided I’m gonna be the bigger person, and I’m gonna let Jack have it. Him. I’m gonna – I’m gonna let Jack have — him. No, no, I insist, uh — Susan can have the thing – uh, kid our – our child. Alright, order! Order in my court! Or else somebody is gonna get punched! [boxing ring bell] Oooohhh! Voters have decided who is going to get full custody of the Instagram account of Labradoratheexplora. We – we still haven’t chosen who I live with yet. Uh, who are you? I’m Ronnie! Um, I’m Jack and Susan’s son you just introduced me like a few seconds ag– So, the winner of the full custody of the Instagram account is… Jack. Yes! What? Score one for Jackie boy, in your FACE! [knocks gavel repeatedly] But… Susan gets full custody of the dog. No, no, no, how am I supposed to have an Instagram account without a dog? What am I supposed to do with a dog and no Instagram account? Excuse me sir. Baby, what if we just got back together? That way we’d have the account AND the dog. Yeah, I guess we really DO need each other, huh? Yeahh! [both laugh cheerfully] Justice has been served. You both just got PUNCHED! [boxing ring bell and auto voice repeat over and over] Oh God, what? Oh crap, not again. Oh God, Oh! [bell and voice keep repeating, punches landing] Tune in next week for our special memorial episode about Vine for the 5 people who still give a ****. [Jack and Susan chuckling, speaking cordially] Alright, Sizzler’s on you! [courtroom crowd panicking] Hey guys, thank you so much for subscribing. Click the box on the left to watch bloopers from this video and behind the scenes. And click the box on the right to see when Jack and Susan were on an episode of Tiny House Hunters.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back To Top