– ‘What is the fees at your hospital?’ Rs. 1000. – ‘That is a lot.’
– We’ve the best and the most sought after doctor in city! Do you value money more than life?
– ‘No, I don’t.’ – That’s better. ‘Book an appointment at 6PM.’
– Alright. X-Rays are all fine. Ask them to continue the medication.
– As you say, ma’am. How many patients will visit today?
– Around 6 to 7, ma’am. That’ll take a lot of time, Kittu!
– They just have minor issues. – Fine! Bring them in. My pet has developed a very strange habit.
– Is it? He isn’t reacting, so something’s wrong. Tell me.
– He is eating his own shit. It is so embarrassing. It is maybe because you aren’t feeding him well.
– Nonsense! I spend Rs. 1000 a week on his food alone. To feed him, I’m not even going to the parlour.
– You’re showering him with money, not with affection. What do you mean?
– Feed him things that he likes, not what you like. So what should I do now?
– Nothing much. Feed him this syrup that I’m prescribing. Sit straight, will you?
– Let me hold the dog for you. Don’t call him dog.
Call him Bond, James Bond. He is James Bond?
My foot! Yuck! He peed on me! He does that with people he likes.
– Ma’am, he’s got peeing problem aswell. Here is your prescription. Visit again next week.
– Sure, doctor. This is nonsense. I’ve been waiting here since morning!
– Don’t get so pissed. You saw the rush outside. Calm down, Kittu.
So what is the issue? She got injured and now she developed an infection.
– Is it? How did she get injured?
– She got injured while playing. What are you even doing?
– I’m checking its gender. Why should that matter?
– Well, we treat male cats different than female ones. Give it back to her.
– Here you go, ma’am. You covered well for me, ma’am.
– Shut up! What is the name?
– Preeti. – I mean the name of the cat. Yes. She is Preeti.
– Oh! Nice! How many of you stay at your place?
– Why do you ask? – It’ll help me prescribe better. My boyfriend and me.
– That’s where the problem lies. If you both play around,
why won’t she play around and not get injured? I’m prescribing her some eye drops.
Use it twice a day. Keep her from playing too much. Buy the drops from the medical store down the lane.
Tell them you were sent by Doctor Harika. Why? Will I get any discount there?
– Yes. A discount of 10%. Visit again next week. How may I help you?
– Mikey isn’t eating a thing. What do you feed him daily?
– Stop being naughty. – And you start answering. Milk, cockroaches, frogs etc.
– Frogs? Let me check your Mikey. Sure. Go ahead.
– Why is Mikey in a box? That’s a snake, Kittu! – Exactly!
– Instead of feeding him, you’re eating all the eggs, right? No, ma’am, I don’t.
– Firstly, snakes don’t drink milk. Just serve him water. Since he is young, feed him twice a week.
How many times do you feed him? He keeps eating all the time. Nothing to worry, it has a minor digestion problem.
Don’t feed him anything for two days. It’ll be fine. Visit again if the problem persists.
– Let’s go Mikey! Dogs and cats are fine,
but who keeps a snake as a pet? These kind of snakes aren’t venomous.
So, they can be domesticated. But, yeah, it scared the shit out of me.
Ask the next patient to come in. ‘Is this the veterinary hospital?’
– Yes, it is. – ‘My calf isn’t keeping well.’ What is the matter?
– ‘It didn’t take a dump nor eat a thing for three days.’ Bring it to the hospital, please.
– ‘I can’t, sir. The calf is too young.’ Is this an emergency?
– ‘Yes, sir, it is.’ Fine. We’ll be there.
– ‘Please, do that, sir.’ Thanks for coming, ma’am.
– How dare you bring me so far? He said it is an emergency.
– Where is the patient? – Right here, ma’am. What is wrong with this calf?
– It didn’t take a dump nor eat a thing for three days. How old is she?
– Three days old. Is this the cow’s first calf?
– It is the 4th calf. Don’t you know you should feed the cow very well?
You didn’t, that is why this calf is so weak. So, you want it to take a dump?
– Yes, ma’am. – Kittu, hold its tail. That man is upto something. Ma’am, it took a dump!
– It did? Lovely! Ma’am, you are Goddess!
I’ll give one whole month’s of produce to you. Cool! My compunder will give you my address.
Go wash your hands. Do call me if there is any more problem.
– Sure, ma’am. Thank God! Kittu, I’ll go home now.
– There are three patients waiting at the other branch. Three more?
Fine, let’s go. Send them in. You could keep it in a bigger bowl.
– Are you the doctor? – No. Then cut the crap, will you? Just take me to the doctor.
– That is rude. Let’s go. Doctor, Chitti isn’t swimming
like the way she used to. I don’t know what went wrong.
– Let me check. – Chitti! Nice name! You don’t wash the bowl, do you?
– I don’t. Are you married?
– No, I’m not. Why does that matter? It too is getting bored
watching your boring face day in a day out. Even a fish has such feelings?
– Yes! Don’t you know? Don’t worry. Just get Chitti another fish.
Chitti and the other fish will play. I’ll go buy a fish right away.
– Where from? From the fish market? Go to an aquarium
and buy one from there. My name is Yaadi, this here is my pet.
– A cockroach? – Don’t run, buddy! What’s the problem?
– He hasn’t been flying for two days straight. Aren’t you glad he isn’t? Maybe the mosquito spray
was sprayed near your place. Not at all.
He has his own place in my place. You love him a lot, don’t you?
Put him here. C-Careful!
– I know, sir. I’m sorry the maid didn’t kill
all the cockroaches. I’ll reprimand her for this. S-Sir..
What is the matter, sir? Sir, please, spare me!
– How dare you kill my buddy? I’ve been raising him for two years
and you kill him in two seconds? Sir, I didn’t know!
– What do I do now? I even built him a place at my place.
Who’ll stay there now? Will you? Yes, you will stay there!
– Sir, I’m so sorry! Greetings, people!
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