Howard Schultz’s 2020 Bid, a Facebook-WhatsApp Merger & Peace Talks in Afghanistan | The Daily Show
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Howard Schultz’s 2020 Bid, a Facebook-WhatsApp Merger & Peace Talks in Afghanistan | The Daily Show

There are now only 644 days until the 2020 presidential
election. And I don’t know about you guys,
but I’ve already set my DVR. Yeah. I even added an extra five
minutes in case it goes long. And this race was going to be
pretty simple, right? It was gonna be
the best Democrat running against Donald Trump. But now, someone has thrown
a grande wrench in the works. The 2020 presidential race right
now getting bigger by the day. A possible new contender. Former Starbucks CEO,
Howard Schultz, he says he’s considering a run. He would do it as
an Independent, taking on both the president
and the Democrats. TV REPORTER: Leading Democrats
are protesting, because they’re worried
Schultz could siphon votes from their nominee and help
the president win reelection. I am seriously thinking
of running for president. I will run as
a centrist Independent outside of the two-party system. Okay. I don’t know if this
is his plan or not, but after hearing him speak,
now I need a coffee. (mimics Schultz):
“This is my plan… to run…for… president.” (normal voice): Also,
his announcement sounds like a really complicated
Starbucks order, right? He’s like,
“a centrist Independent” It sounds like someone
would order that. “Can I get
a centrist independent “outside of
the two-party system? No foam, no foam.” So it would be
Mr. Pumpkin Spice Latte taking on an actual
pumpkin spice latte. Which is pretty cool. Will be interesting. (cheers and applause) Although,
although I will say this. If I was a Democrat,
I wouldn’t be worried about the Starbucks CEO
running against me, because you know
he’s probably gonna spell his name wrong
on the ballot, so… it’s not gonna work out. Speaking of billionaires
with nothing better to do than ruin everyone’s life,
Mark Zuckerberg… Yesterday, the Facebook CEO
announced that he is planning to combine Facebook
and Instagram with the messaging service,
WhatsApp, which is great news because
Facebook and Instagram get hacked all the time,
and WhatsApp never does. Yeah. So now people
who only use WhatsApp don’t have to feel
left out anymore. Yeah, this is…
This is such a junk idea. This is trash. The last thing anyone wants
is to mix those three worlds. Instagram is where you slide
into the DMs, all right? Facebook is for ignoring news
from your family. And WhatsApp is for when
you want to join ISIS. All right? They need to be
separate, totally separate. Otherwise,
we’re gonna get mixed up. I don’t want to send
a dick pic to my aunt, and I definitely don’t want
to send one to ISIS. Again. Moving on to international news. A major event was just announced
in Afghanistan. The United States and Taliban
have agreed in principal to a peace framework. TV REPORTER: The United States
is considering a full withdrawal of troops
in Afghanistan, and that would be in return
for a cease-fire and commitment by the Taliban
to keep Afghan territory from being used
as a staging ground for terrorist groups
like Al-Qaeda. TV REPORTER: This would be
the biggest step toward ending the nearly two-decade-long war
in Afghanistan to date. Damn. I… I had even forgotten there was still a war
in Afghanistan. I… I feel like we all stopped
watching after season nine. It was like… Yeah, it’s like
the Grey’s Anatomy of conflicts. It’s like, I get it, you know. But I am glad that there
could be an end in sight. It’s also funny how America has lowered its expectations
in Afghanistan, right? First, America was like,
“Afghanistan will be a fully-fledged democracy.” Then it was like, “Okay,
well, maybe not a democracy, but no more terrorism.” Now it’s just like, “Okay,
I’m just gonna close the door and you guys keep it down
in there, okay?”

100 thoughts on “Howard Schultz’s 2020 Bid, a Facebook-WhatsApp Merger & Peace Talks in Afghanistan | The Daily Show

  1. What? No!!! Don't mix them up! I don't really use my facebook account, don't have Instagram. WhatsApp is for work and family.
    Shooo, zuck, shooo!!!

  2. Not sure if this was done on purpose but leaning out from behind the graphics works really well.

  3. Your drama-obsessed media should stop covering people like howard schultz 24/7, that's what got trump elected in the first place

  4. Why not Hillary again..defeat his arguments and teach his folowers what values are!..but without kerry and etc.and properly brings the wave of change to a safe and sound place! The other party did not make any war but was hypocrate and savage enough to use this party to open the wars everwhere..this party could not stop them..if she is back are they able to do so? With no manipulations? Like get elected chieves out jail..and compensate killed young men and firmly emplement freedom of speach and human rights in those countries? With all the risk inside it?

  5. I left FB in 2014. Missed a few announced birthdays and parties – but got rid of all the shallow crap. Still using WA and would really hope that EU fine the shit out if FB if any data is breached (it will be). Proud to be an European and part of the EU!

  6. I like FB and all but someone needs to stop Zuckerburg. I would not use 3 apps if i wanted the same quality and type of service from all of them

  7. Ever since Facebook acquired WhatsAapp, every time I talk about something in WhatsApp I get ads all over FB and Twitter talking about the same exact thing!

  8. Trevor, you need to be the Campaign manager for one of the candidates. I want to see how Americans react to how we do it in Mzanzi. TEFLON PRESIDENT!!! #ANCParty

  9. I stopped using WhatsApp when Facebook bought it out, can't really trust Facebook. I only really use it to connect to my old friends but I don't see it as valuable, the messenger app is useless when there are so many better alternatives with better features!

  10. Yes, just as the Soviet Empire the USA Empire is recognizing that cannot win a war in Afghanistan against the same enemy both empires unsuccessfully fought: the Taliban.

  11. WhatsApp isn't going to be secure anymore, if it ever really was. I don't trust ANY of these smartphones. I swear they read texts for products mentioned, then send ads to your computer! I'm not the only one this has happened to.

  12. Where is Big Pharma going to get it's poppy for it's pain meds? Mexico? I seriously think that's why the US has been there, to guard poppy fields.

  13. Something about this clip with Howard Schultz reminds me of Stephen Miller . His demeanor/facial expression/voice …??

  14. Gosh… I don't use facebook because Zucker is a damn evil person. He uses peoples personal info for his own agenda.

  15. America is finally learning. You can't force democracy upon people. It has to be ingrown and organic. Sometimes it takes a civil war unfortunately, but that's when it really lasts.

  16. I would laugh at how naive the US is, if it wasn't horrifying at the same time. You automatically expect people to honor the deal they made! If the Taliban wreaks havoc once the US pulls out, is the US really going to send its military back in? You won't be there to enforce your deal, would you? And the US didn't include the Afghan government or the Indian government in these talks – the two governments that would have to clean up the shit you left. And for Pakistan, this is the best new year gift that they could hope for. I will bet that Afghanistan will turn into another Jihadist playground soon, and you can add Afghanistan to the list of countries that got bulldozed in the name of "democracy".

  17. So I guess I'm just gonna have to start using SMS again. Zuckerberg gonna be selling all our private messages like on Facebook, nothing is private anymore.

  18. Schultz, who became wealthy because the U.S. economy is so massive that millenials can drop hundreds of billions on their morning coffee, warns that the country cannot afford decent healthcare as a right of all Americans. Also warns against fair taxation of the obscenely rich.

  19. US destroyed Afghanistan, couldnt bring a single day of democracy, accept killing, looting, bombing and supporting insurgents for their own benefits and now chickens leave the country coz they cant remove the insurgents they once supported both economically and military.

  20. Just like ross perot main stream media is making the independent candidate rediculous. History always repeats itself sight…

  21. Wow, the Afghan War… I forgot that was still going on too. About time that's over! Going into Afghanistan was a stupid move in the first place. Bin Laden wasn't even there! The war was started pver a lie! After finding that out years ago I thought the war had surely ended. This full withdrawl of the troups is overdue.

  22. The fact that he wants to run, is not a problem.

    The fact that he wants to run as a "Centrist", in US America, is a serious problem because by reasonable standards he is very conservative.

  23. just when i was thinking about activating my facebook which has been inactive for about 4 months now then i see this and the comments that follow

  24. You never know who can be our next A$$ president because at the time 2015 election I wasn't thinking if Trump will be but he became one.

  25. So that is why I keep getting Facebook notifications even though I do not have the Facebook app on my phone. They are using my Whatsapp info to link to Facebook. Creepy

  26. Democrats should use Schultz against Trump. We should form a Super PAC and relentless promote him in Red States only as "owning the libs" by siphoning off their votes and being an even bigger rich prick than Trump. I'm telling you A LOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW HOW COUNTING WORKS and will think that voting for the guy who pisses Dems off the most is good for Trump, even if it means VOTING AGAINST TRUMP. Also we should steal his shit cause he won't miss it and fuck him if he does.

  27. Michelle Obama for president end of the story I'm not voting unless shes running tell the world. I'm talking to you Trevor, make it happen. Please

  28. Everyone in the audience is fat. Is that on purpose to make it seem like more people care about T N?

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  30. Mayor Pete Buttigieg mentioned that this needed to be done. He was there and mention it always this need mainly for the young soldiers that don’t even know how it started . Somebody was paying attention , well at least something good will come out of this (hopefully).

  31. He's trying to do what we chat did…if you download wechat you would understand…. Zuckerberg is trying to integrate everything together

  32. What happened to the days when politicians where military heroes? This country keep flushing itself down the toilet every day

  33. US student loans debt = 1.2 trillion dollars…
    Useless way = 7.3 trillion dollars.
    No benefits, no healthcare, no free tuition, just pure greed….

  34. I thought that with Afghanistan, the US and the whole world would understand that their military does more evil than good.

  35. America IS PAYNG talibans 400milions $ a year for this ,,peace"…So talibans would leave americans make opium traffic ,,in peace"! Becouse this is all about war in Afganistan: billions in opium

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