How Does Facebook Know Who My Friends Are? The Media Show
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How Does Facebook Know Who My Friends Are? The Media Show


Erna: Hee. Erna
Selfie! WEENA
Argh! What are you doing? ERNA
I am tagging you, and I’m adding our location, and posting it to Facebook! Yay! (Facebook conact-add noise) WEENA: Erna, that just gives Facebook more information about you! They use that information to target you to marketers! ERNA (sarcastic) Well, geez, Weena, it also lets my friends know how cool I am and what cool places I’ve been to. WEENA: An ad agency closet? ERNA:
Hush you. (looks) Oh hey, look! It’s recommended more friends for me! Add (bling)… Add… (bling) Add…(bling) WEENA:
Erna, do you even know these people? ERNA:
I must, Facebook is recommending them. WEENA:
Do you know how Facebook recommends friends? ERNA:
Well, there’s people from school — I told it our school. (Bling) INTERN:
Hey Erna. ERNA:
Who are you? INTERN:
I graduated from your school five years ago. ERNA:
And I know you from… WEENA:
Uh huh. Facebook knows our school. It doesn’t really know who you know, it just uses an
algorithm to guess based on school, (bling) your other friends… MS. UNSICKER
Erna! ERNA:
ACK! Miss Unsicker! MS. UNSICKER:
Are you screwing around on Facebook instead of doing your history project? ERNA:
Uh, I am… Doing research… yes! ha ha ha… (stage whisper) look busy, look busy… WEENA:
So maybe you shouldn’t have mindlessly added the people from school. Dr. Tootherson: Erna! (bling) ERNA:
What is Dr. Tootherson doing in my Facebook feed?! DR. TOOTHERSON:
Time for your annual checkup! WEENA:
Did you connect it to your email address? ERNA:
Of course! All of them! WEENA:
Well, Facebook scraped in everyone you wrote to. DR. TOOTHERSON
You *did* write and say you needed to set up an appointment. And hey, I loved your tutorial about how to add a thong to your MySpace pic… ERNA:
UGH! Ew! Ew! WEENA:
You *don’t* want to add EVERYONE from your email contacts, but Facebook *does* want to know everyone you know, so it can sell that data to marketers. ERNA:
They can’t sell my stuff! WEENA:
That’s their business model! And an episode for another day. KYLE:
(bling) Hey Erna. WEENA:
Who’s that? ERNA:
That’s Kyle. He’s the reason I only have (through gritted teeth) IMAGINARY boyfriends. KYLE:
I gotta pee. Where’s the sink? Weena, Erna: Euuugh. SLAPPY:
Sup, Ninjettes! ERNA:
Who the heck are you? WEENA:
You look familiar… SLAPPY:
Gathering of the Juggalos 2011? WEENA:
No, but my friend Amos went. SLAPPY:
Right on! WEENA:
So this guy– SLAPPY:
Slappy. WEENA:
— this guy Slappy’s a friend of a friend ERNA: Of my sister. WEENA:
Of your sister. And you added him anyway? ERNA:
Facebook, I TRUSTED YOUUUUUUUUUU! WEENA:
And now absolutely everyone in your life is hanging out on your Facebook feed. MS UNSICKER:
Erna, I’m worried about you hanging out with this guy who thinks magnets are magic. SLAPPY:
Hey, your so-called “facts” take the magic out of life! ERNA:
Guys! I came to Facebook to post a selfie, and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right
now! WEENA:
Next time, think about why you’re adding someone on Facebook. (bling!) SLAPPY: Is that dude watering the plants? KYLE: (offscreen) Couldn’t find the sink. ALL: Ugggh.

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