At last I’ve uncovered the secrets of what it means to be a Disney princess behold princess Pat the first Theorist princess according to last week’s episode. I have everything I need I’ve got my royal fury dress, which is very highly merchandising Bowl to the four-year-olds I’ve got myself my sassy animal sidekick and I’ve got a can-do attitude Disneyland soundsational parade Here I come not so fast. Haha. I Told you once and I’ll tell you again. You’ll never be a Disney princess what what do you mean Mouse? I did everything you said I called the shots around here pal and you’ll never make it into my exclusive princess room. Wait the random room labeled Princesses in the trailer for wreck-it Ralph – yeah, eat it, but that’s so arbitrary, why does being in a room in a completely separate movie qualify you as a princess you’ll never know because you’ll never make the Cut watch has all those dreams of being a pretty pretty princess wither and die and I suck on those sweet Salty tears. You’re you’re insane Insanely wealthy you mean Mouse. You’re no Mouse at all. I know what you are now You’re just a rat just a dirty dirty rat Hello Internet Welcome to film theory the show that continues to be a royal pain to the Disney Canon by uncovering the double standards in princess Selection now if you haven’t seen the first part of the series click here to make sure that you’re all caught up as we set Off on a quest to determine what makes a princess truly a Disney Princess last time We concluded that you don’t need to be heroic chosen by fate you don’t need to be able to sing heck you don’t even need to be a princess in Disney’s eyes being a princess is all about what you’re wearing you dress ie anything that can be sold at the bibbidi bobbidi boutique in Disneyland, oh and you also need an animal sidekick and that’s it That’s all there is to it with an automatic disqualification if you might be mistaken as a prostitute But after figuring all of that out We still have to come back to why I started doing these episodes in the first place to figure out whether vanellope von schweetz from wreck-it ralph would qualify as Disney’s newest princess or at the very least whether she deserves to be in the Disney Princess room that shown in wreck-it Ralph two’s Trailer you see last time we looked at what has historically Qualified a character as a Disney Princess, but the princess room in the trailer appears to be an updated Disney Princess roster one That’s more open and more inclusive or not. But there’s only one way to find out. So let’s get ourselves into the throne room Where it happened to find out for ourselves What qualifies you as a Disney princess in the world of wreck-it Ralph – and whether vanellope might be the newest addition to the Disney Princess lineup, so first who are the Disney Princesses of wreck-it Ralph – well looking at the trailers we can identify. Jasmine Snow White, Cinderella Pocahontas Penelope, Elsa and Anna Moana Belle Rapunzel, Merida Ariel Aurora Tiana and Mulan interestingly enough This doesn’t line up with the official list of Disney Princesses that we covered last time Anna Elsa and Moana have all gotten Upgraded for this particular movie, but even with this expanded roster There are a few notable snubs from Hercules as Megan hunchbacks Esmeralda – princess a lonely from Black Cauldron and kita from Atlantis the lost Empire So just like last time we have to deduce what separates the princesses inside the room from those out The room to back to our way into the requirements for getting in which will in turn allow us to determine if vanellope Truly meets all the criteria Now the fact that Milan’s in the room already Eliminates the requirement of being an actual princess ie the daughter of a monarch or the wife of a prince as we covered last time Mulan for as cool as she is never actually assumes princess status even still it’s worth mentioning that Penelope is a Princess in her own game. It is literally written into her code so even if this was a requirement wealth she would definitely Qualify on that front once inside the room the princesses toss out a few lines that are less Qualifications for princess status and more tongue-in-cheek jokes at Disney’s expense kidnap to enslave. No. Are you guys OK shud i call the palepas Rapunzel asks if nella P has magic hair, but obviously that shouldn’t qualify someone as a princess because Rapunzel is the only person in the room with magic hair unless you count Pocahontas is perpetual breeze blowing on her So epic Elsa asks about magic hands But again, it’s the same problem here Elle says the only one with those funny enough Even though vanellope answer’s no to a lot of these questions. She actually Qualifies for a bunch of them. I mean think about it. Does she have a magic power? Yeah in her first movie She has the power to glitch a power that she hones throughout the film and figures out how to control at the end So she can defeat the villain and reclaim her throne, huh? Why does that sound familiar? Oh, yeah was vanellope cursed I mean she says no in the trailer, but yeah her code was tampered with in wreck-it Ralph so she could be removed from the throne and placed into total obscurity for a long period Of time and if that doesn’t sound familiar to you well Then maybe you should re-watch tangled or Sleeping Beauty already just based on those things Vanellope is scoring higher on the princess meter than most of the ladies in the room Which actually puts her in pretty good position to become the next addition to the Disney Princess lineup But we can’t make this call based on a few random qualifications thrown out in the trailer We need to find something that truly unites everyone we see in this room and disqualifies everyone that we don’t see in the room So the next logical thing is to look at the end of the scene here Rapunzel asks If people all think that vanilla pees problems are solved by a big strong man, when actually they weren’t when vanellope says Yeah, what’s up with that? It’s the punchline that confirms that vanellope really is a disney princess after all now last episode I gave the girls a hard I’m about this because guess what Arielle both Triton and Prince Eric are forced to clean up your little mess and save all of Atlantica How about complaining less about other people stealing your achievements and instead stepping up and owning your mistakes? That would be a good moral lesson sour grapes aside. This seriously can’t be the qualifier for this room I mean sure the older princesses in the room were indeed rescued by dudes who went around kissing unconscious women in the forest But what about these ladies? It’s awfully hard to argue that people think that the new guard of Disney princesses need a man when they’re movies Specifically feature them flipping this narrative on its head one of the most central themes of Moana Is that a character like Maui literally the archetype of the big strong man is not the linchpin in the story This theme is even more apparent in frozen where Disney? Intentionally takes the idea of love and Princess movies and flips it around by making the handsome prince The ultimate villain love doesn’t have to be romantic love. In fact, the strongest love is with your sister It’s actually a really nice message realtalk know we got super sick of frozen there for a while because it was so overexposed everywhere But seriously if we all take a moment to take off our jaded glasses it’s a really good movie with some really good music and honestly, it was really Ballsy for Disney to do all that being said is this room arbitrary? Is it just Disney giving up and randomly including some new popular princesses to keep everyone from complaining of? Course not this is Disney. We’re talking about they are way too smart for that No, the Disney princess room and wreck-it Ralph too doesn’t come down to looks or animal friends or not need. No, man Nope, it’s not about who they are it’s about what they earn the qualification for Disney Princesses in this room comes down to how much Bank they can roll in for Disney If you don’t believe me check out the stats websites like Box Office Mojo Keep track of gross profits from movies going all the way back to the earliest Classics like gone with the wind and snow white and even accounts for ticket price inflation now this lets us compare how deep the Royal coffers go for each of the Disney Princesses that we see here and it tells us A pretty clear story about what makes Disney treat a woman like royalty versus giving them the Royal dude out of the Magic Kingdom Looking at all the global gross adjusted profits for Disney Princess movies There are no surprises at the top of the list with fros being the first modern Disney princess movie to gross over 1 billion dollars globally with a single release that 1 billion dollars Apparently buys you two seats in the Disney Princess room The rest of the princess’s score between six hundred and seventy three million dollars globally with Sleeping Beauty down all the way to the low end of Princess and the Frog with two hundred and sixty seven million dollars globally and 104 million dollars specifically in the US and wouldn’t you know it but that seems to be our cutoff anything that falls below the 250 million dollar range for worldwide gross profits or under a hundred million dollars in US Profits no longer makes the cutoff for entry into this room It’s the one thing that reliably separates the snubs from this room Hercules. It only made 99 million dollars in the u.s so afraid meg isn’t getting past the bouncer punch back also in the low hundred million dollar range domestically and again, Esmeralda kinda treated like prostitute Black Cauldron and Atlantis both Disney movies featuring empowered female Princesses fall even further below the cutoff, so nope. They don’t stand a chance. Remember the Disney Princess merchandise brand makes over 1.5 billion dollars every Single year, so if these gals can’t push ticket sales to their movies then you know They’re not worthy to sip lattes with the rest of the gals and you know sell dresses Tiaras and dolls off the shelves as an aside I got to point this out each princess wearing her signature pajamas at that slumber party is Obviously the most blatant commercial for Disney apparel that I have ever seen But then again we on the internet apparently don’t care by the way theorist merch is still on sale go get yourself a t-shirt They’re great. They’re comfortable. You’re gonna look amazing So there you have it you women of Disney are only worth what you’re able to earn that’s gotta be worse than the messaging last episode I mean think about it Disney is clearly pandering to your strong female pride in this trailer, but for all the girl power That’s present here. They’re not practicing what they preach the girls in this room aren’t here because of their heroism They’re here because of money Disney’s bottom line If inclusion in the princess room was truly about strong women who don’t need no, man Well, then you would see less financially viable characters here But they’re not they are kept outside of Disney’s you’d shiny Blockbusters swept under the rug alongside Dumbo’s Jim crows so that you’ll forget about them Disney’s failures and move on and buy yet another shiny princess dress But with that said now that we’ve found the crucial differentiator basically that all our princesses are major One-percenters for Disney we can finally decide if vanellope belongs in the room or not based on the gross adjusted global profits for the first of wreck-it Ralph movie He turned four hundred and seventy one point two million dollars Which definitely qualifies vanellope for the rich princess club in the US alone? It raked in almost a hundred ninety million dollars Beating out other princesses in the room like Mulan and tiana and thereby securing vanellope a spot at the slumber party She’ll even represent a new category of princess dig deep princess Actually, no because Princess Leia would also qualify for the room and she would probably be the geek princess Maybe the star princess all she has no animal sidekick Leia would be in this room But as an official Disney princess based on qualifications last time she wouldn’t be anyway Penelope at the very least would be like the gamer Princess so there you have it based on the qualifications required to get into the princess room Vanellope does indeed qualify as a Disney princess. And as long as record Ralph too performs at the box office She shouldn’t get the boot right Wow. It had been a month ago. I would have said yes However, there might be one more wrinkle to this that puts Penelope’s place in the princess Hall of Fame in jeopardy It has to do with Disney’s latest actions not towards their princesses But towards their employees you see in a recent controversy Disney chose to fire the director of the guardians of the galaxy movies James Gunn over a series of vulgar and inappropriate tweets that he made between 2009 and 2011 and having read those tweets. Let me make it clear They’re really bad especially as they relate to women and kids which if your Disney You’re gonna be kind of sensitive about I’m not gonna put them here out of fear of the kids who watch a video about wreck-it Ralph and Disney Princesses But I am gonna put the link in the description so that you can read them and judge for yourselves Which you should do in any sort of circumstance like this read the information for yourself and make your own call a lot of stuff Gets mixed up with misinformation Anyway, even though James Gunn deleted the tweets and apologized for a multiple times in the intervening years Disney’s stated that quote the offensive attitudes and statements discovered James’s Twitter feed are indefensible and Inconsistent with our studios values and we have severed our business relationship with him end quotes If this is Disney’s policy with its employees, though They’re gonna start running into some issues with other employees in this case old vanellope von schweetz voiced by Sarah Silverman You see just like Gunn and quite honestly like a lot of comedians Sarah’s early work really double down on edgy envelope-pushing humor taking controversial Taboo topics and diving headfirst into them For example her show on Comedy Central the Sarah Silverman program had full episodes dedicated to jokes like blackface and sexual deviants She’s used racial slurs before on late-night Programs and has actively said that she wanted to be the first person to make jokes at the expense of Martin Luther King jr all things that seem fairly comparable to what Gunn did on his Twitter feed and just like guns Sarah Silverman has Apologized and made it clear that she’s embarrassed by a lot of those early jokes of hers now. I’m not casting judgment here I report facts and from those concoct theories I have no problems with Sarah and I think that she’s done a lot of good for a lot of really positive Causes and I firmly believe that humor acceptable taste and most importantly people change over time But with the James Gunn situation Disney has set itself a precedent. It’s they’re currently being hotly debated in social media None of us have a copy of Disney’s code of conduct in front of them But if the nella P is truly contributing to the Disney princess powerhouse We all might want to be prepared for a little change of voice acting just in case but hey That’s just a theory a film theory You think wreck-it Ralph breaks the Internet that is nothing Compared to wreckit-ralph sub the real world people who actually want to break into stuff on the Internet including people’s accounts phones and computers King candy the hacker of the original wreck-it Ralph is creepy enough even bet that real internet hackers aren’t nearly gonna be a sweet So what do you do to stop them? well
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