Facebook’s Secret Crush Announcement & New Zealand’s Super Sexy Accent | The Daily Show
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Facebook’s Secret Crush Announcement & New Zealand’s Super Sexy Accent | The Daily Show


Facebook, the world’s biggest
social media platform and Instagram for old people, announced that they’re
switching things up. NEWSMAN:
Facebook’s privacy shift. The social network rolling out its biggest face-lift
in five years. NEWSWOMAN: CEO Mark Zuckerberg
is promising to do more to protect
personal information. He also announced changes
to Facebook’s app and a new dating feature
called Secret Crush. And then Mark Zuckerberg
making a joke on privacy that did not exactly land
with the audience there. I-I know that we don’t exactly have the strongest reputation on privacy right now,
to put it lightly. But I’m committed
to doing this well. Oh. (laughter) Oh. That was like a vacuum
of silence. You know,
what made the moment worse is that he paused
for a laugh that never came. He was just like,
“And that is my joke. Pau-Pause for laughter.” Like, I mean, on the one hand,
I feel bad for him, but on the other hand, I’m glad
the robots can’t take my job. I like that, you know? Yeah, they just don’t have
the programming. You know that video of the robot
who falls down the stairs? That’s what that was. It’s just, like,
that exact moment. (laughs) Dumb robot. But the good news is after reading
our private messages, Facebook has heard our concerns and says that their new feature
is gonna be privacy. Yes, and it’s weird that
that’s a new feature. Like, how was privacy
not always a feature? That’s like when
a fast-food chain goes, “From now on we’re using
100% real meat.” It’s like,
“Wait, what? From now on? What were you using before?” “That’s not the point.” But if you’re someone
who wants a little less privacy, then Facebook has something
for you, right? Uh, they announced a new feature
called Secret Crush which basically lets you know if one of your friends
has a crush on you, right? So, you pick someone,
they pick someone, but it it doesn’t tell you
which one of your friends it is unless you link, which I think
is a terrible idea, right? ‘Cause it’s just gonna
make people paranoid. Right? Yeah, you’re gonna know that your friends have a crush,
but you don’t know who it is. You’re gonna try to figure
it out every time you hang out. Just like,
“I love you, too, Jamie. No? No. “Then I love you, Melissa. No, not you, either. All right.” And then it’s gonna turn out
the crush was your grandmother because she doesn’t understand
how Facebook works. The whole time, she’s just like,
“You’re my secret crush “because you’re so handsome
and sweet, “and I’m DTF: down to feed you.” But let’s move on
from the changes on your screens to the changes in your job. Since the #MeToo movement began,
many companies have been looking for ways to improve
their working conditions. You know, promoting women
to top positions, creating new channels
to report harassment, getting rid of
Wear Your Bathrobe to Work Day. And then there are other
companies who are just like, “Uh, you know what? Let’s
just shut everything down.” In the wake
of the #MeToo movement, companies are considering
stricter policies on physical contact
in the workplace. Some people think
even a handshake is too much. A recent survey by a job website found most people prefer a total ban
on physical contact. Companies that do not have
specific guidelines in place should establish them and make sure
that employees know the rules. So I guess you stick
to a fist bump or maybe just wave from
the other side of the office. Yes. Many companies
are considering banning all physical contact to avoid
sexual harassment claims. And I like how
the newsreader was like, “Fist bump or waving from
the other side of the office.” That person
is more creepy to me. “Hi.” (laughter) And I’ll be honest. I’m not sure
if that’s the solution, but the part
about banning handshakes, I completely agree with. And this isn’t even a thing
about harassment, right? I just think handshakes
are the worst. And Americans are obsessed
with them. You guys love your handshakes.
Love it. It’s just like, “Hi, Trevor.
I notice your hands “aren’t covered in my feces.
Put her there. Come on, come on.” There’s also too many
different handshakes. Like, I never know
what to expect. You know,
sometimes it’s that intense guy who squeezes the shit out
of your hand like a trash compacter. Then there’s
the sweaty handshake person who always feels like
they keep their hands in two little tiny saunas
the whole time. Sometimes people give you
the dead fish shake. It’s just like, “Here,
you do something with my hand. I don’t care.” And then sometimes
you get that person who puts their second hand
over your hand, makes a little hand sandwich. Why? What are you doing?
My hand’s not a bird. It’s not gonna fly away.
What are you doing? “Hold on. Hold on.” Let’s just move your hand.
“Okay.” Ha ha! Tricked you. And, finally, finally, if you thought that French is
the sexiest accent in the world, think again. Well, we all have
our favorite accents. Mm. But which country has the sexiest way of speaking? You’re in luck,
because somebody did a study -to find out.
-(chuckles) Uh, readers of
the international travel site, the Big 7, voted and decided the people of New Zealand
have the sexiest accent. It’s followed
by the South African accent, people like
for its unique tones. The third sexiest accent
was from Ireland, followed by Italian. And this is what’s interesting
to me. Australian– can you tell the difference
between Australian -and New Zealand?
-New Zealand. Okay. So that’s the list. Now, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate
South Africa being on that list, but I think
the list is all wrong. All right?
I’m not gonna lie. First of all,
I love New Zealand. Great country, wonderful people. But the accent is not sexy. It’s not sexy. Right? No one’s ever listening
to a New Zealand accent, getting turned on. When
you hear those people speak… (New Zealand accent):
do you want to have sex? Yes? I’m so horny
for doing sex right now. Yes. I would love to do
the rubbing fronts thing, yes? (normal voice): And, also,
New Zealand and Australia are not the same accent. Australia is
much more aggressive, you know? It’s like– Yeah, like,
in New Zealand, they’re like… (New Zealand accent):
“Oh, my name is Tiki, and I would like to have sex
with you.” And then Australia,
they’re more… (Australian accent):
“Oh, yeah. I’m gonna grind you “real hard, mate. “Yeah, just put my shrimp deep
in your barbie. Yeah, you feel that?
Oh, yeah, huh?” And, like,
the rest of the list is weird. You got Irish, which is just
a step away from being Scottish. So, come on.
And Italian, I mean, maybe some people like plumbers,
but I don’t hear it. In fact, the only accent
I’m not gonna argue with is South Africa. Yeah. My only question is,
my only question is, which accent? All right? Which accent in South Africa
are we talking about, ’cause we have a ton
of different accents, right? Are we talking, like, the
traditional South African accent people think of,
where it’s just like… (general South African accent):
“Oh, yes, I’m sexy. Let’s have sex”?
Or are we talking about, like, the Mandela accent?
Is that what it is? (Mandela accent):
“Don’t judge me by my success. Judge me by how I can rub
your body all night long.” Okay, now that I hear it… Yeah. All right, now that I hear it, that’s the sexiest one. No, it’s really sexy. “Time for me
to set your body free.” It’s just, like…

70 thoughts on “Facebook’s Secret Crush Announcement & New Zealand’s Super Sexy Accent | The Daily Show

  1. No, Trevor, no!!! There are dozens of Irish accents and none of them are remotely Scottish. I'm a huge fan but please! Even a line for laughs has to have some basis in truth to land. That's like saying Canadian/Texan… same accent….

  2. Dont ever compare New Zealand to australia sexiest accents in the world i find french and spanish can bexy sexy but also very very creepy i am from nz amd your impersonation of a kiwi spunds like he was either drunk or has a speech impediment

  3. I’m Kinda pissed of about the Irish thing we have 4 different accents Scots are rougher it’s kinda the same as the NZ and Australia thing

  4. It's curious: when it comes to Italiana even a smart guy like him falls always in the stereotypes. I think Italians are the only minority who can be so easily mocked in US media, without outrage. And mocked with so gross platitudes. Italians are always described as gangsters or as manual workers (not ther's anything wrong with that) but this classist remark. Well I hope he could overcome this stupid habit but it's not the case

  5. FUCK YES ITALIAN IN FOURTH FUCK YEAH.

    I’m only a quarter Italian but HELL YEAH. How the accent is sexy…eh, I won’t question it. (Sadly, I have a Southerner [USA] accent which sometimes changes to an Irish/Scottish/English accent when I get pissed for reasons I don’t understand.)

  6. I think the list should be separate between men and women because Scottish accents on women are sexy, Scottish accents on men are unintelligible

  7. I hate this already. Please give us the right to chose who to date, and how to do so…Leave our heart matters alone (especially mine). I am talking to Facebook.

  8. Trevor is just a jackass😂😂😂😂. Mandiba will be laughing in his grave I assure you. Nice One brother🙌

  9. Im a kiwi. And we do not have a sexy accent. But his "kiwi" accent was a bit more aussie. The aussie accent is a bit more twangy.

  10. Okay that is ridiculous. Shaking someone’s hand is a greeting, a sign of trust and respect. Now there just overdoing it 🙄🙄🙄

  11. I love Irish and Scottish accents, they both turn me on a little, though with Irish I can at least understand what they are saying.

  12. You're all wrong. The sexiest accent is obviously the Southern California accent, because we are like totally so friggin awesome like holy shit the way we talk is like literally soooo totally hot oh my god.

  13. How did they go from handshakes are too much physical contact, to sexiest accent. Then they will say don't talk to anyone at work….

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