Black Women Share Their Challenges with Dating Black Men | Black Women OWN the Conversation | OWN
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Black Women Share Their Challenges with Dating Black Men | Black Women OWN the Conversation | OWN

When I think about black
men, and dating in general, I think about their preferences. And sometimes I don’t feel like
they’re always checking for us. Hello. [APPLAUSE] And I think specifically
of a well-known celebrity who has
been highly publicized for beating black women. But when I think about what
his recent comments were about the hair of black women
and who he would date based on her hair texture, it
infuriated me thinking that, well, that one, who is a role
model for a lot of black men, is not checking for us. He’s making it seem
like there’s something wrong with having the one be– Do you realize
you said ‘that one.’ That could be for any race.
– But that’s not just him. – It’s that one.
– She’s right. But it’s not just him. Within the industry, they
are fetishizing mixed women. They do, for sure. They do. But not all. Excuse me. But just if you have any sort
of exotic, and that’s a problem. [APPLAUSE]
– You’re right. That’s what you’re
talkin’ about. You’re absolutely right. I’m gonna go all
the way back there. I grew up in a family
that I was too dark. OK? I was too dark, but
then at the same time, my grandfather was a white man. But as I grew up, black men
weren’t interested in me. White men were attracted to me. OK? But my attraction was
always a black man. That’s what I want in my life. OK? The black men,
they’re there for us. There’s an understanding. There’s a– I don’t have to try. I can just be.

100 thoughts on “Black Women Share Their Challenges with Dating Black Men | Black Women OWN the Conversation | OWN

  1. …………………..a small few thousand guys are against dating dating BW most are boys under 30 not older men even in this clip they are talking about things young guys have said but avoid older males like chestnut or wale they cherry pick the worst guys first

  2. You blk women are done how could you get on tv before the world an say blk men want other races of women with straight hair at the same time with that pressed hair on your head that's no natural an then you are all christans an teach your sons to love the white god Jesus no you are sick in the mind you can't complain about your own product… Ahmen

  3. The fact of the matter is that a great many black men (brown and darker-skinned) are self-hating negroes that want white and racially-ambiguous women. There is even an ESPN clip in which black male commentators talk about putting white and lighter-skinned women on a pedestal. Black men have allowed themselves to be physically and psychologically-dominated. Then, they turn around and act like the black woman is the problem. The lady is also right about the non-black men that prefer to date out. They actually like darker-skinned black women with natural hair and stuff.

  4. As proud black woman who thinks black men are amazing, this video is straight TRASH!!! Another media propaganda to divide and conquer black men and black women, by having this typical feminist male bashing type of conversation. In regards to actual numbers, most black people date or marry black people. The same goes for other races, most people even in 2019 date their own race.

  5. Black men love black women don’t get it twisted… they are forever checking for us… but men (all men) like variety… just like black women do… some black women like dark skin, light skin, 6 pack, good job, no job, thug, white, Asian, and so on…… if you are 100 with yourself and love who you are this wouldn’t even bother you… Black men love us period!

  6. You do have black men who want to be with black women of all shades, the main issue is that there are black women who prefer to be with those black men who are famous or some sort of celebrity, thus they compare and value what those black men say about them as a whole, rather than the everyday brother you meet

  7. Brothas and Sistas please ignore all these comments by SARA, Jamilla Dobson and many others in the comment section talking against black women and black men being together. These people running around YouTube from channels to channels 24/7 leaving these comments about black people should not be together. Notice something about these anti black love profiles; they never have a photo of themselves, NO videos on their YouTube profiles show themselves in Interracial Relationships or any relationship period, but they leave comments all up and down the comment section talking about how great it is to be in a Interracial Relationship.
    Then look at the blatant propaganda title of this video; "Black Women Share Their Challenges With Dating Black Men" you see that in plain sight, pay very close to the divide & conquer tactics they are using daily on us.

  8. Can you imagine the impact bitter mothers have on their sons ?If all a boy hears is that all black men are no good he's going to live up to that expectation.We can't plant seeds and blame society for how it grows.

  9. Alot of times other black women don't even like each other so the son will find it easier for his mother to get along with his non black wife than a black woman.

    And you don't even teach your sons to prefer black women so don't be surprised when it backfires and society raises him instead.

  10. Time is too short. I say Go, where you are celebrated. Who’s to say your happiness can only be with your same race. Life is what you make it.

  11. All guys are not men. With that said, if a black guy doesn't like what he sees in the mirror, he's going to choose a woman that reflects what he wants to see. Like the great Malcolm X said/asked, "Who taught you to hate yourself? The texture of your hair?" Societal propaganda.

  12. This is more than black men desiring black women. The black culture is on a path of destruction on every level. This culture is plagued with many issues and may not ever recover from it.


  14. I have too agree I'm NOT checking for y'all. However, if I see 1 that's attractive I still probably wouldn't approach her. But I will say too myself she's beautiful but not good enough for me. Much love for African American women but I just can't.
    Side note; good panel of questions but I'm curious were are the men🤔🤔🤔🧐

  15. This conversation is so overdone 😂just dead we gonna keep talking about it till the day we die. Date outside and be happy instead of complaining black men don’t give a F please don’t chat this in 2020 just stop bleh 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

  16. Here is my issue!!! I love black women!!! In my profession of TV production, I'm not around black women. And the black women that I do see and talk to they want that rich white man that they see white women with!!! There is a white woman that I work with and sometimes hang out with that I enjoy being around but I'm I wouldnt say confused but I want to date her but like I said I love black women but this woman who is white has done a lot for me, helped me get out of certain situations and I trust her which is golden to me because it is hard to gain my trust but like I said I love black women!!!

  17. Black men will use the dark skinned women for sexual pleasure while secretly fantasizing and wanting the lighter skinned swirl women

  18. Hmm this is scary. How do women use celebrities as the global narrative? It makes me sick. If a black man isnt attracted to you, why do women assume its because of colour of the skin? It could be your attitude!!!! Your mannerisms. Come on! African women in the continent are enjoying black men and black men are getting married every weekend (In thousands).Ghana, Zambia, Kenya the list goes on.
    We need to be so careful how we assume colour as the benchmark for rejection. When do women take responsibility?

  19. I would definitely pursue the last woman that spoke. Based on the fact that she doesn't wear a wig or any other type of fake hair. What you see in her is what you get. When you wake up in the morning with her, she is the same, natural beauty.

  20. The black men that are like that weather rich or not them are ones you see getting used because they went about it for the wrong reason

  21. They Teach this in Psychology. Grass ain't greener on the other side 🤷🏾‍♂️. You just need to water your OWN grass cuz itll Rot on the other side as well ..N Who idolizes Chris brown? 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️ Sisters out here masking their trauma and tryna run away from it. Stats show it'll get worse. Js

  22. Stop trying to make it seem like it's only black men when men in general aren't trying to wife the average African American female.

  23. This whole conversation is sad af. As if if wasn't bad enough with the lightskin vs darkskin. Now we have the black man vs the black woman. We just keep finding new ways to devide ourselves and it's sad.

  24. Most black men love and marry black women. Media lies to us and tells black women we are unwanted. If we open our eyes we can see we are the most desirable queens on the planet. We have to step into our own.

  25. I’ve only ever been attracted to, and dated black men. If you have a desire and preference for someone or something, it will find you. It’s pointless spending time thinking about or worrying about men who don’t choose you. A man has a choice the same as a woman can say yes or no to him. The statistics still show that the majority of black people date within their race (this doesn’t include celebrities) but how many of us are going to have the option of dating a celebrity anyway?

  26. At the end of the day men are men. I’ve dealt with rejection from black men and it’s hard. What I’ve gained from these experiences is to be more open. A great guy can come in any race so I get to know the ones that reach out to me and treat me with respect and dignity.

  27. What's so sad about this conversation is we have been talking about it for years be your best and live your best life I am more attracted to a black man probably because of culture but the white men I talk to always treats me with kindness and respect so guess what if I can find a good white man I am there you will be sitting around forever waiting on someone who for whatever reason doesn't want you!

  28. The problem is that Alot of these women don't seem to be able to Comprehend what it means to live in a Diverse Community/Society. When you have Diverse Options, You make Diverse Decisions. It's very Rude, Selfish, Controlling, and Highly Inconsiderate to Demonize a "Black" man for wanting to be with a woman that isn't You. He is Not your Property, your Dog, your Pet, or your Slave. Getting Over yourself is the First step to healing your Insecurities that Stem from a Control Issue that's holding you back from being a Desirable Person. For Every Black man that Doesn't want a "Black" Woman, I'm sure that there is one who is. He's just Usually the guy that you say is Square or Too nice, or "Not your Type". Simply put. If You have the Right to Choose, Who and What's Best For You; Then so does a Man. Just saying. And save your Negative Responses. I didn't post a Comment to start an argument or a Debate. My comment is in reference to the Video; Not to the people Who are Watching it.
    Peace and Blessings.

  29. Dating in the current social climate can be extremely frustrating. I was raised by 3 extremely successful parents where I spent the first 13 years of my life being raised by a strong, nurturing, educated and independent single mother. From her upbringing I got a healthy dose of empathy, compassion and intuitive understanding. My Father and Stepmother took over after those years and I experienced masculine balance and what a healthy and loving relationship looked like between two working adults building a legacy. I had no idea that these amazing and blessed circumstances would be my downfall in dating later in life.
    I was raised to treat women with respect and like the Queen(s) that they are, but this is not the most effective way in today's dating landscape. The female (all races) psyche has been poorly programmed by social media and the media in general. When a male treats a woman very well – today's modern woman is easily turned off by this because these actions for some reason give the impression that the man is desperate. Patrice O'neal said it best in one of his standup routines: "When a woman sees that a man has lost his ability to catch 'other' fish, he is no longer viewed as attractive (paraphrasing). Needles to say, I believe this is one reason why women are attracted to the "bad" guy who really could care less.
    Women/Black women have huge laundry lists of what they desire in a mate; yet less than 10% of them can bring to the table what they are seeking. Here's a great video explaining this point by Rebecca Lynn Pope:
    It's hard to date a woman who does not have a good relationship with her father or male guardian. Why? Because they have never heard the word "No" from a loving and caring masculine figure. Good men don't like telling their woman No, but it's a fact life – we don't always get what we want and at some point, men have to say no. Telling a woman "No" in today's society makes it extremely easy for the 'Knight in Shining Armor' (aka guys sliding in the DMs) to capitalize on the situation – and you better believe, regardless of how good a man treats a woman there is always a 'Knight in Shining Armor' (more like 4-5+).
    Sadly, it's the good men and women with pure intent who get hurt in today's dating environment.
    I LOVE ALL WOMEN and especially the most chocolate – but it's a different world today and they don't make people with the character of my parents anymore.
    Long story short – the good men who have been burned are turning to MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and opting out of the physical, mental, and emotional manipulation that comes with being in a relationship with the modern woman.
    Men are by no means perfect either and we have a lot of baggage to release as well, but like I said above; it's typically the good men/women with pure intent who are burned the most in today's dating scene.

  30. Black Women need to stop groveling at the feet of Black men who clearly express that they don’t want us nor desire us. Black Women time to move on and open your dating and mating options.

  31. So tired of these shows using black women's frustrations. Why TF are you whining to world about this? If someone's not check for you , they're just not. I think this just makes us look worse.

  32. My family is hurting due to the fact that their culture was destroyed by slavery. All races have relationship problems. When we have problems shud the problem be labelled black. A problem is a problem. Its not white or black.

  33. When will black women open up their dating options ? It’s sad to see black women holding out for black men who in mass prefer to date other races.

  34. this convo is cringy! especially with the lady saying that black women need black men . but i dont see the BM saying this. there is alot of begging here. LOL

  35. Black women: Black men thugs criminals gangstas convicts r Kellys ect. If black women seriously thing 100% of black men are only negative stereotypes fine I'm gonna go where I'm celebrated. Sometimes they feel they are checking for us??? Wait a minute last time a check black women wasn't checking for me because I'm not this 6ft 5 black man with muscles and tatoos. I listen to heavy metal and play world of war craft sometimes. I never had a black woman stopped me and asked for my number.

  36. How are black men there for you when you just said in the same breath they never wanted you? Keep living in delusion I guess

  37. BM are NOT there for us. BM have made it clear that they want anything and everything but a BW. The BM hates the BW. He has told the world that he hates BW. He has created a multi-billion dollar industry with hating BW as its foundation. When are BW going to wake the F' up and realize BM are not going to choose us b/c they don't want us. They will go after a transgender woman instead of us. Stop limiting yourselves to black men only — open up your dating options. Problem Solved.

  38. It’s true black women get WAAAAAY more attention from white guys, mixed guys, Latino and even some asian. No disrespect to black men. They go through a lot. But what’s a girl to do? She can’t wait forever.

  39. Date men that want YOU, and whose character/values align with who you are. Life and love are much more enjoyable that way lol.

    Superficial characteristics like race and ethnicity being the foundation of a relationship are a recipe for disaster.

    Let’s approach love in a more sophisticated and cosmopolitan manner, ladies.

  40. WTF, there is some serious brain washing going on among some BW. This beautiful sista says BM weren't interested in her because she was too dark and WM were open to date her. Okay, then goes on to say that BM are here for us WHAT!

  41. Black women complain about black men not having enough money and not being worthy of submission, but they aren't complaining when they are bent over or have their legs in the air like dogs in HEAT!


    The Man Not by Dr. Tommy Curry is a book all sisters should read. A lot of yall are so delusional. Hopefully this book will be some guidance.

    Another book that sheds light on the nuances of our issues.
    The Daughters of the Trade

    In particular I dont think American black women will ever admit the truth because they are propped up by the mainstream. For those that do brothers will try to work with you. My suggestion is for brothers is just leave yall here for white zaddy and invest in the continent. Leave all of yall behind.

  43. I wish we could have an OWN segment with all black men discussing this topic. I raised my kids to be great men but they don’t like dark skinned women either, and their mother is dark. I Question them all the time. They say that the black women in our city are ghetto. But they say they don’t like other races if they are trying to “act black”. I’ve never dated outside my race. I thought I was raising two good black men for two good black women, so we can change the narrative. I’m hopeful though! They are young. I’m praying they meet a Michelle Obama 😂! I’m sorry we as black women are going through this 😢

  44. I'm sick and tired if men occupying our spaces. I ain't got no damn time for trans nothing… How is he even a valid contributor to these conversations. PLEASE STOP THIS MADNESS!

  45. I think its society, the racial caste system, and then the upbringing that has us convinced we are made for ONLY "black" men. We have "black" men literally encourage us to be open to finding love regardless of how much melanin the potential mate has, and some of us as so-called black women still manage to convince ourselves, "only a black man will understand me". Yet we become enraged when we see that many of these so called black men don't want us and are in fact dating interracially themselves. I say so-called black men and black women love who loves you regardless of how much melanin is present in their skin. Love yourself first so you can understand and be familiar with what that love should feel like from any potential mate. Than attract accordingly. Peace.

  46. The bald woman said black men understand us and are there for us I find this not to be totally true. Black men have been disrespecting us have been disloyal, have belittled and demenaed us and have thrown black women under the bus for over 20 years

  47. Black women are in DENIAL! These men have told them that they are LOUD. ANGRY. ARGUMENTATIVE. NEGATIVE. 80% of them are obese. 72% of them bring children into the world out of wedlock. Yet, they still believe that it’s their skin tone🤦🏼‍♀️

  48. Us black woman don't have counterpart like other race of women black men is the other men women counterpart period black women it's pointless to even stand by black men when comes to fighting against white supremacy in the world its have won sad but true let black men date out it's there liking but Us black woman don't date their biracial children's let them to date white too since love is love don't be the black mule for their biracial children and let tran women have them too lol

  49. Ms 🚺 with the 👓 on u 👍 chocolate 🍫 go 4 what u 👍. Do what make u 😊. 📅 your preference. I 📅 who makes me 😊. As long he makes u 😊 and treats u well. God will send u a 👍 man. 📅 who God send u and makes u 😊.

  50. Though I understand why many on here say date outside your race and for get these BM, the truth is black women want to keep their black lineage. They want to be with black men and that's not something we should be scolding each other for. No other race encourages their women or men to do that but us. Think about that for a minute. There is strength in culture. The majority of interracial marriages end in divorce very shortly after, that's statistically supported. It's not really rocket science why. There is a real problem in our community and it does need real resolution, encouraging fetishism as the alternative to securing real black love is perpetuating the problem.

  51. Black woman judge black men like picking slaves on an auction block or buying groceries with a long list of demands. There is no date it's an interview.

  52. I live in Houston where black culture, black love, black business is thriving. I see black couples, families daily, living, thriving, marrying etc…..I went to an event this weekend honoring our black men. This is propoganda at its best.

  53. Not once did they mention the fact majority of black women like thugs gangsters and killers. They reject the brother that like cartoons or reading . 😞 this topic is so bias

  54. if Black women would stop fetishizing celebrities Jesus Christ!!! With all do respect can anyone in the black community tell me why your community leaders are Entertainers? they are controlled by the dollar How could the average Black Man tell a millionaire who's focus is personal gain what to do with his life? do you people even know who own's the company's that pay's your idols. this is Insane and I'm out right astonished that black men don't hold the title for highest suicide rate or mental illness attacks.

  55. Stop living in this fantasy thinking that black men still care about black women , they don’t, they want latinas whites Arabs Asian but they don’t want black women anymore they only loved us cause nothing else was available to them , now they can date whoever they want and it’s sure not gonna be black women, wake up and do the same thing! Go date other races just as much as they do!

  56. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

  57. I'm not going to beg anyone to be with me who doesn't want to be with me. I've dated multiple races (Black, White, Asian, Hispanic). I was married to a black man for almost six years before it ended and I'm currently married to a white man. If someone doesn't want you there's no need to sit there and complain about it… just find someone who does. There are wayyyy too many people in the world to be upset over men who don't want you.

  58. they have kids with thugs, that's how the population is increasing. They don't want the nerd black guy, up until they reach 35 years, that's when they want the nerd guy, at that time he got married to a white women and he have mixed race kids

  59. Let's be real, the only reason bw date wm are for their resources 😂😂… Their hoping some white Knight will save them for their mundane drama filled life… I see bw in my town (Charlotte NC) dating bottom of the barrel wm and Walk around like their some kind of prize… Get real

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