Son, can I please be
your Facebook friend? Please, please? Shut up! Uh, I’m so bored… I know! I’m gonna post a pointless
status update on Facebook!! Stop! Hi! If you’re watching this video, it’s likely that someone send it
to you for a very specific reason. You see, Facebook is
a great way to let your friends and family know what’s
going on in your life. But sometimes, you just
need to shut the f*ck up. Ladies, please stop posting vague status updates that are
obviously directed at one person, and yet, are somehow supposed to solicit
our sympathy and give-a-f*ckness. Give-a-f*ckness. The act
of giving a f-ck over a certain subject. Here is a few examples of these posts. (sobbing) Wow, thanks a lot
for that thing that you did! I’m never talking to you again! I’m a whiny bitch! (sobbing) Give-af*ck-ness level: 0
Now, how about this one? Brad told me all about that thing
you did at summer camp. Wow, skank much? That’s great that whoever
you’re talking about did something at some place and that
this Brad guy told you about it. But honestly, none
of your friends gives a f*ck. Oh, but this one’s my favourite. Never again… If you still aren’t following
what I’m getting at, here is a pie chart representing girls’ status updates on my feed.
This tiny sliver represents how often I give a f*ck
about a girl’s status update. But girls aren’t the only ones
who should shut the f*ck up. Guys should also know when to…”STFU”. Guys, perhaps before you post, take a step back. Ask yourself, ‘Is this something that I really wanna be telling everyone?’ Or rather, imagine you’re
sitting in front of your mom, and you’re telling her
what you’re about to post. Here is an example using
a real post someone made. So I woke up super-glued
to the toilet seat. And the toilet was filled with poop.
I mean FILLED, like ten people just decided not to flush.
I started gagging so I flushed the toilet… and then
it started overflowing with me still glued to the seat.
So there I was, glued to the toilet being hit with wave after wave
of other people’s poop. (Vomits) Ok, never mind, that was pretty awesome. Guys keep posting that stuff, but ladies, please, SHUT THE F*CK UP! To see deleted scenes and bloopers, click the link in the description below! Broccoli. Thanks for subscribing! Now I’m gonna go post a pointless
status update on Facebook! -(gun shot)
-(screaming) Never mind…(groans and dies) Aaaand, unfreeze. (gasps) (screams)