#2 my social anxiety experience | closer to midnight
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#2 my social anxiety experience | closer to midnight


Hello everyone and welcome back to the
closer to midnight podcast. I hope you don’t mind me turning this into an audio only thing, but I feel like my voice is the most important here anyway and this is the easiest and the fastest way to do this. Now, this is going to be a bit
difficult for me. You might have noticed I don’t talk much about my private life,
as opposed to the rest of youtubers out there. First of all, I just don’t like it. And second of all, I don’t want my private life to distract you from my art, from what I create. But I thought it would be ridiculous if as an author of a mental health series, I wouldn’t talk about my own mental health experiences. So, I suffer from social anxiety. I’ve
been diagnosed a couple of months ago and I’ve been in therapy ever since.
However, it took more than ten years with social anxiety to finally do something
about it. So before we jump into this I just want to let you know that I’ll be leaving time tags in the description and if you’d like to skip a certain portion of the video you can do so by clicking on the tags. The topics I want to discuss today are: 1. the video itself and why I chose a drama
comedy over a classic, depressing drama, as I used to do in the past. 2. a couple more examples of my social anxiety. 3. how I came to realize it’s not just shyness and what helped me decide to seek therapy. 4. how therapy works and looks. 5. the Internet and social anxiety and how come so many socially anxious people are so outgoing in active on the Internet. 6. insecurity about your looks is very
different from social anxiety. 7. the notion that people who are considered attractive, successful, rich, talented or famous are somehow
immune to mental disorders. 8. some tips on how to cope with social
anxiety. 9. being an artist with social anxiety. 10. online therapy. First of all, I gotta tell you… it doesn’t really feel good when you open up, you tell the world you’ve got social anxiety, and then the very same community that you’ve devoted the past two years of your life to… trying to spread awareness about mental health, tells you you’re faking it for attention. Now, as someone who used to experience social anxiety in most social situations I have to admit I feel quite disappointed when I hear people accuse me of faking it. I used to be someone who couldn’t even stand up in a film theater to move a couple of rows up when I sat too close to the screen, because I was so scared of
people… and of people looking at me. I used to be someone who could spend ten
minutes in a cubicle in a public bathroom, waiting for other people to leave cause I was too scared to use a tap in front of them in case the tap was weird and I didn’t know how to, thinking they would laugh at me. I used to be someone who had trouble keeping eye contact for more than two seconds. And it feels as though I’m somehow not entitled to suffer from a mental disorder. But I’ll get back to this topic later on. So moving on to no. 1: the video
about social anxiety was made thanks to the financial support of some 150 people so a huge thank you – yet again – to each and every one of them. I was able to take my filmmaking to a whole new level, so thank you so much, once again. As for the style, I chose a comedy drama for a particular reason: my intention was not to ridicule the disorder, obviously. I was just tired of giving my films depressing and dramatic endings that would leave no hope. When
you’ve got social anxiety, it’s a constant battle. You’re terrified of people laughing at you and you’re always laughing at yourself first, so that no one else can do it before you do it. It’s like a… it’s a defense mechanism, it’s quite weird but the disorder itself is not very rational. So I had to make a choice. Combining these two did not work, and as soon as I tried to make the
film a bit more dramatic, the flow of the video was gone. And the truth is, these are tough choices for a filmmaker, or for an artist. I did not want anyone to feel left out. I know social anxiety can be mentally
draining and it’s not all fun and games, it’s not all colorful. Actually
a lot of people who suffer from social anxiety, suffer from depression as a result. But I did not. I did not suffer from depression, even though my social anxiety was quite severe, so let’s just keep in mind that experiences may vary. Therapy taught me I simply can’t make everyone happy. But I gotta admit that releasing this was extremely stressful so once I read that most of you were happy about the positive undertone I was quite relieved. Now, moving on to more social anxiety examples. I’ve already mentioned the theater and public toilets and avoiding eye contact. I don’t know if anyone else has this, because I’ve never seen this online, I’ve never seen anyone talk about this online, but I always feel like a burden when I write or when I
have to call people first, so I usually say something like ‘I’m sorry to bother you’, or ‘I hope it’s okay’ and I say this 10
times in a row to make sure that the other person knows I don’t want to be
annoying. Now… this is really weird but it’s why I rarely talk to people first. I just don’t want to be annoying and I don’t want them to think I’m needy. So let me know in the comments if any of you have the this very same weird little thing. And another example… So when I was in a room with a bunch of people it used to be quite hard for me to just stand up and leave, even when I had to
go to the restroom really bad. And I kept imagining the most irrational scenarios of what could happen after I stood up, and how everyone would suddenly look at me and think I’m stupid for no particular reason. I hate speaking English, especially when I’m with native speakers, because the idea of making the tiniest
mistake always makes me extremely nervous, to the point where I would
sometimes stutter, or I would not speak at all. When there’s a group of people standing together, I find it extremely hard to approach them and I usually feel very awkward doing that, so I end up standing somewhere on the side, alone, which is very awkward and uncomfortable as well. I’m not a huge fan
of going abroad because everything is new and I’m terrified I might not know what to do or how to use public transport for example. Standing in an elevator with people was a nightmare as well. Asking someone in a
shop if there’s a different size available was not fun either. Basically, you have to be perfect and you have to possess unlimited knowledge, otherwise, people will think your stupid and they will laugh. There’s nothing in between for a person with social anxiety. I’d say there are many more examples of my social anxiety, there’s just not enough time to discuss them all, I’m afraid. But I’ve mentioned a lot of them in the
social anxiety short film. And as you might have noticed, I keep using the past tense in some cases, and that’s because my therapy sessions are working. And the funny part about this whole thing is that I don’t think I would have realized it’s not just shyness if I didn’t start this whole mental health series thing. So, as I was reading your emails about your social anxiety experiences, I thought to myself “well this sounds familiar” but my initial thought was “nah, I’m just shy, I’m
not as bad”. And then I took a break from the emails and came back to reading them
after a month or two. And then it finally dawned on me. I was like “damn it, I have
every single symptom these people are describing”, so I decided to google it, you
know, just in case, and I stumbled upon cognitive behavioral therapy while doing
so… and I decided it might be a good idea to let a psychiatrist
be the one who decides whether it’s social anxiety or just shyness. Now, once
you realize it’s got a name and it can be cured… I’m telling you, it’s the
most amazing feeling. So I was determined to do everything in my power to finally
get rid of it. So the day I was supposed to see the psychiatrist, I kept thinking to myself “what are you doing, you’re making things up, exaggerating as
usual, she will see through you and she’ll think you’re an idiot for coming
there”. Yeah, classic, always undermining myself. So I went into the office, I told her everything and I was extremely nervous, obviously, but she gave me a diagnosis and she said this was a classic case of social anxiety, and she prescribed some meds and told me that these are completely optional and that I should try cognitive behavioral therapy. So after I left the office, even though I had an official diagnosis, I started undermining myself, yet again, trying to convince myself I was
overreacting and I probably don’t need any help, and I just have to live with. I was probably also scared of having to
talk to a therapist about it so I was doing everything in my power to avoid it.
Now, this meeting stressed me out to the point where I went into an anaphylactic
shock of some sort, and… I get these attacks out of nowhere and I have to
have an adrenaline shot with me at all times. Now, my whole body turned red and
everything was itchy and swollen, I had some blisters and troubles with
breathing, you know, it wasn’t fun. Little did I know, there was more to come.
Brace yourselves, this is going to be a bit dramatic, but it felt terrifying at
the time so… as I’ve said, I started doubting myself as soon as I stepped out the door
of her office. But 15 minutes later something happened that completely
changed my mind. I was at Tescos at a post office,
standing in line, and I suddenly felt this excruciating conviction that
something was physically wrong with me. And in a matter of seconds, I started
feeling extremely unwell so I headed back to my car, but by the time I managed
to step out the door, I started losing sight… and I know this sounds dramatic,
but I really did, and at the same time I could feel my mind was going and I
started seeing these weird patches of greyish dark white noise, and they
wouldn’t go away, they were just getting worse and worse and worse. And the only
thing I could think of was “okay maybe my sugar blood levels are down because of the stress, maybe it’s the anaphylaxis, and I just need to sit
down and drink some coke and have some sugar in my system. And, you know, I was
terrified of just sitting down in the middle of Tesco’s and I was still losing
consciousness and I kept seeing and hearing less and less and less and I’m
telling you guys, there’s nothing more terrifying than gradually losing
consciousness. I really thought I was dying there for a moment. Unfortunately,
all of the benches were taken and my freaking social anxiety did not let me
ask people to move because I was too scared of drawing any attention and I
was too scared of speaking to strangers. And by the time I reached an empty bench,
I pretty much didn’t see anything at all, I lost my hearing and I was just trying
to make out my surroundings with my hands. So I managed to sit down, I think I
might have drifted off for a couple of seconds there, and after a while my consciousness and sight started to come back, and I drank some coke… And in that
moment I realized that if I don’t seek mental help, if anything bad ever happens
to me or someone else, I will probably die and they will probably die because I
will be too scared to call an ambulance or ask for help. And that is how my
adventure with therapy started. I’m pretty sure everyone’s got a different
story, mine’s quite dramatic, I know. So moving on to therapy itself. It varies depending on the country, so I’ll just give you a general idea of what it might look like. During the first two or three meetings,
you’ll try to pinpoint what might have caused your anxiety, a scheme it’s based
on and all the social situations that make you uneasy. Now, you might list all of them, deciding which ones are hardest to cope with and
you’ll deconstruct each and every one of them, starting from the bottom from
the mildest one, so to speak, and you’ll work your way up until you are better. You’ll get some homework assignments as well, and in short: you get rid of social anxiety by talking about it and then engaging in all the situations that make you feel stressed. Although I think I might have oversimplified it. There are many many steps along the way before you’re ready to go out there and face your fears. It’s very important to
remember everyone’s got some social anxiety, there are very few people who
don’t experience any. I actually have a friend who doesn’t, it’s completely crazy
but she really doesn’t have any social anxiety, whatsoever. However, it’s a defense mechanism, okay, so like… some mild anxiety is acceptable. You can’t expect
to get rid of it completely, because you’re probably going to need it at one
point in the future. Therapy is not about changing into someone you’re not. It’s about realizing life’s not black and white, there’s so much in-between and
all of the mistakes you make, they are a part of that and you will never be able to avoid them, so you might as well just let it slide. As I’ve said, I’m better now. Slowly but surely. And I think I should mention I’ve also tried
medication and it worked nicely for me, but I didn’t have enough money to go
back, since the psychiatrist visits were really expensive and I was just too
scared to ask her for a bigger prescription, so that I wouldn’t have to
come back every month, and yeah, I was obviously too scared because of my
social anxiety. So I basically ended up stopping meds after a month or two. But
if your social anxiety is severe and it prevents you from leaving your house at
all, I think meds might be a good start. They might be good at the
beginning to help you take the first step, and just jump start the whole process. Now, moving on to the internet. I’m sure you’ll find that a lot of people with social anxiety are quite outspoken on the Internet. Take me for example: I show my face, I share my thoughts, I share my work. If I had social anxiety, I should be too scared to do it, right? Wrong, completely wrong. The
explanation for this is quite simple and obvious. On the internet you can always read through your comments or captions ten times before you actually post them. In most cases you can delete whatever you shared and you have all the time to
come up with a witty response, and all the time in the world to Google some words in a different language and check whether you’re not making any mistakes. Now, in real life you can’t take anything back. Once you make a mistake, there is no
erasing it. Your responses and reactions have to be prompt and this is extremely
stressful. So what happens when you try to avoid it in real life? You always go
to the Internet to compensate for what you lack in real life. Don’t get me wrong,
the person I seem to be online is who I really am when I’m among my friends and among people I feel comfortable with. My internet version is the real me when
I don’t get muffled by social anxiety. I did some outrageous non-social
anxiety things in the real world, which I obviously won’t discuss, but I did all of them with my very close friends, so it’s not like I’m always this shy little girl. And living with social anxiety is just tiring, because you can’t be yourself most of the time, you can’t be spontaneous, you can’t enjoy life without overthinking it. A lot of people tell me I seem to be quite confident but is it really that hard to be confident on the internet? This part is extremely important when trying to identify what’s the underlying cause of your anxiety. There is a huge difference between feeling insecure about the way you look and social anxiety. I feel confident about the way I look,
probably because I just don’t care anymore, I’m 28 now, and my priorities
in life have changed quite a bit. Most of the time, I don’t even wear
makeup. Just a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. And I feel good about it, I
feel good about myself. However, I freeze in some social situations even when I’ve got flawless makeup on and the best outfit I could think of. My social anxiety is in no way connected to the way I look. So if someone posts selfies
or… I don’t know… lingerie pictures of themselves, yes, they can still have
social anxiety. SA is mostly based in the real world, where human interactions take place, and this is very much connected to the Internet compensation I’ve mentioned before. Obviously, for a lot of people,
social anxiety has many different levels and I think that some people may be
self-conscious to the point where they can’t even post online. But it’s not like
that for everyone. Now, I have to admit, I don’t really understand why people who are considered attractive, rich, successful or talented are somehow
denied the right to suffer from mental disorders. It’s almost as though society
thinks your life is perfect just because you’re considered pretty or handsome. Let me tell you something about good looks: yes beauty does open doors, but it opens
doors to paths you might not necessarily want to follow. Same way cancer can happen to anyone, mental disorders can. You never know what’s inside someone’s head, so never try to ignore them by brushing them off with a “first world problems” line, okay? And now tips on how to cope. Go out and try therapy. Yeah, I know I’m like a broken record. But this is the only way
to fight it, to be quite honest, and therapy has been so good to me that the only thing I regret is that I didn’t start it sooner. I’ve seen many videos on YouTube about how to get rid of social anxiety, and I don’t want to be rude, I don’t want to discredit anyone, but for me, they are useless. First of all,
everyone’s different, we are scared of human interactions for different reasons.
And second of all, when I hear someone telling me “yo, you got to get out of your
comfort zone and get used to the things that make you nervous” I’m like “mate I have been out of my comfort zone for the past 10 years and it’s only been getting worse, so you can take your comfort zone and stick it up your arse”. And the reason why it’s called cognitive-behavioral is because you need the cognitive part. However, there’s something I’ve learned during my therapy which helps me cope in everyday life. You should google a list of cognitive distortions, not to be mistaken for cognitive biases, and try and see which of these you’re falling victim to, and try to come up with situations that match these distortions.
And then you need to start practicing recognizing these in real-life situations.
You’ll get better at it with time and once you start realizing you’re making a
mistake, you have to pin it down, you have to tell
yourself “this is a cognitive distortion, I know which one it is, I need to stop, I
know how this works, I know the scheme, it’s irrational, just let it slide,
stop trying to read people’s minds or trying to predict the future or seeing
everything in black and white”. These are the three most common
distortions, at least for me and my social anxiety. And the other tip… I know
it’s easier said than done, but try looking people in the eye, because when
you look away, you can’t see their face and your mind instantly tries to make up
for, it coming up with the worst scenarios. Now, when you look at people,
you realize they are not judging, they are not laughing, they are simply looking at you, waiting for your response. And last but not least: moving on to something that is very dear to me, and this is art and social anxiety. I have to tell you a secret. I didn’t go into therapy to improve my private life. I don’t really care. I am an introvert anyway, so I love spending my time alone and I don’t need that many people in my life. I’m not going to
discuss my love life, this is just too personal. I’ll just say that it’s
not as fun as you probably think it is. The reason why I decided I want to stick
to therapy is art. Let me tell you, before I posted anything online, I used to get extremely stressed out, but even though I was terrified of judgment, the need to
create and to share my art was still stronger than anything else. But I constantly live on the edge, far away from my comfort zone and I know how it feels, wanting to put your work out there, but
at the same time, being scared of making the tiniest mistakes. And the fact that I
am an obsessed perfectionist doesn’t really help. Social anxiety is about knowing you have talent but on the other hand, never feeling proud or satisfied with what you create. I know
how many amazing ideas you had to put aside because you felt people will judge and laugh. Because you were too scared, feeling like new challenges were too
much for you and you’d surely make an idiot out of yourself in front of the group you’re supposed to work with because it’s so difficult to work when people are watching. For some time now I knew I had talent but whenever I thought of doing something bigger, you know working on a real film set for example, with
people who knew what they were doing, with professionals, I always felt like I
wasn’t good enough. Not to mention, if you want to take your art further, you have to advertise. You have to sell yourself. It’s 2017 and you have to do it. And sometimes you have to move abroad. But how do you do all of that when
you’re too scared to say hi to a stranger? You know, I’ve wasted so many
years because of this and I know I would have been in a different place by now if
it wasn’t for my social anxiety. But I still have a dream and the main reason
why I’m in therapy is to make that dream a reality. So this is it. This is my
social anxiety experience. If you’ve got any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments. And the last thing I want to share is BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an
online therapy website and they’ve reached out to me and asked me if I could talk to you about them and let you know that something like an online therapy exists. If you’ve got severe social anxiety, or any other disorder for that matter, any other disorder that keeps you locked away in your
apartment, this might be a really good way for you to cope with it at least at the very beginning. I know that making the first step
can be hard sometimes. So if you want to try it, there’s a link in the description. Feel free to take a look at it. And that is all for today. Thank you so
much for listening and as always, I will see you in my next video. Bye!

100 thoughts on “#2 my social anxiety experience | closer to midnight

  1. Forgot to mention an extremely important part: if your first therapist doesn't seem to work for you, try someone else. Same thing when your second and third one just don't click. Keep trying, finding a person you feel you can trust is not always easy.

  2. hi, my name is laura. My first language isn't english, so pleas excuse my awful grammer.
    I currently am struggeling with social anxiety. I am really afraid of going to a therapist. I have absolutley no clue how I should walk inside the builing and start talking with him/her. Could anyone tell me, who has struggled with social anxiety what excatly they have told their psychiatrist at their first meeting. Did you wnt into the office and say : hi I have social anxiety, please could you diagnose me with it?

  3. The worst thing about the irrational fears associated with social anxiety is when the fear in the back of your mind, which you are fighting actually takes place and reinforces the fact that your social anxiety was right and it just makes you implode even further I found. Dunno if anyone else get that??

  4. Mind is like muscle, we've got to keep on making it strong. Nice video, I think it will help a lot of people. I liked your reasoning and the way you pronounce the f, very sexy. However I would prefer a more dynamic tone of voice.
    I think accepting and embracing imperfection and it's beauty is a big part of letting go.
    Keep the hard work girl.
    Ps. Get some captions in spanish to help even more!

  5. The first video I watched of you, I thought you were english! Your English is really good honestly. I love your videos so much. Everything about them is great.
    I used to have social anxiety a few years ago. I can say i'm sure if i have it now. I used to not be able to stand up to go to the bathroom or throw something away in class so I would just sit there and think about how I would do it and sweat then I wouldnt do it at all. I always used to sweat and blush and look away if anyone talked to me and people used to think i liked them because of that. I just really hate talking to people because I thought they would hate me. I also always thought everyone hated me-even my friends so I just back away even if they do like me.

  6. `omg you're so amazing. You should make trailers or movies or something lol idk but you really are super super talented. Your fashion is also great I love your outfits even if some of them are really simple they look great.

  7. At the begining i was thinking like "i am just shy thats all". But then i noticed that i have social anxiety. Its so hard. I cant even talk with my classmates. I want to go outside but i dont want to have conversation with others and i change my mind and stay home. For example today my mom said lets go jogging together when i get home and i waiting her nervously because if i go outside that means people will look at me and judge me. I hate this. I want to talk with people without thinking about what they are think of me, like others.

  8. Hej 😉 Chciałam tylko napisać, że również mam tak, że jeśli już do kogoś pisze to często przepraszam, że przeszkadzam itp. Nie mogę też pierwsza zaproponować spotkania (inna sprawa, że zazwyczaj nie mam na nie ochoty) robię tak dlatego, że odnoszę wrażenie, że ta druga osoba wcale może nie mieć ochoty spędzać ze mną czasu i nie chce jej na siłę przytłaczać swoją obecnością :-/. Dziękuję za to co robisz. Przez twoje filmy wiem, że nie jestem jakimś dziwadłem i są na świecie ludzie tacy jak ja 😉

  9. Bardzo ważne co powiedziałaś o atrakcyjności, sukcesach itp. , a fobii, często takie osoby wychodzą na zarozumiałe, zakochane w sobie osoby, które według innych są ponad to aby podać innym rękę, jako pierwszy, a w rzeczywistości one się po prostu boją, a przecież fobie może mieć modelka, słynny pisarz, a nawet milioner. Ludzie często niesłusznie myślą " skoro w moich oczach jest lepszy, to napewno nie ma żadnych problamów i sam się tak czuje". Ja ci wierze, że ją masz/miałaś, bo te irracjonalne sytuacje są typowe dla fobika . 😃

  10. thank u for these video i now realized i have social anxiety 😀 im expiransing all the things u said i started therapy 2 years ago
    and im slowly starting to get better but no one ever told me about social enxiety so thank u !!

  11. It's strange how it works…on one hand I've been an English instructor for several years, conducting lessons in front of my students' parents a few times a week, and demonstration lessons in public. It wasn't comfortable but I could always get over the stress and just perform. And now, first day at my new job, I was too scared to eat a sandwich at my desk in front of everyone. So much of what you say is so ralatable. I think I manage a lot of situations much better than in the past. A lot of things make me nervous but I just do what I have to do anyway. But still I make so many awkward choices. Eg. I'd like to enter a shop but I suddenly decide to walk past it. My roommate is in the kitchen right now so I'm waiting for him to go back to his room so that I can leave the house without being forced to any interaction. The discomfort I feel in front of some people is simply irrational.

  12. Mam stwierdzoną fobię społeczną, ale nie mialam prawie zadnych doświadczen jak ty. Nie boję się tego co ludzie o mnie pomyślą. Mam ataki paniki we wszystkich miejscach publicznych. Nie jestem w sumie pewna czy to fobia społeczna.

  13. Hey Kat, would appreciate your comment at least on the therapy portion in the second paragraph. Thanks

    I fucked myself by delwing into body language, first as a part of my work training and then binging on it for a few years now in my private life. Unfortunately, what that did to me is it made me not trust what my therapist it telling me. The key points I grabbed from the therapy is not to read minds. You cannot know what the other person is thinking, right? Well body language experts would beg to differ. And unfortunately, this makes the whole issue of SA go a level or two deeper which in my opinion made the therapy not work for me 🙁 Some of the body language is not even conscious. People might feel disgust or aversion without being consciously aware of it, it happens on a subconscious level and I'm afraid I trained myself to spot that. So quite a few times we ran into situations with my therapist where he is trying to convince me I'm imagining things (for lack of a better phrase) but I'm absolutely sure I am not because I picked it from that person's body language. And since the therapist wasn't there to see it he cannot judge that. Heck even if he was there, maybe he's just not good enough with body language to judge that.

    Also, could you please ellaborate as to how your sessions go? I feel like my therapy does not have a set structure. We are jumping all over the place and I feel like my therapist does not do any preparation for my sessions. I would assume a good therapist knows exactly where the last session ended and we would start where we left off. This is not the case with my therapist. We are jumping from SA to low self esteem or talking about what happened during the week or filling emotions into that stupid little table. Should I be checking out other therapists or is this normal?

    TLDR: PSA for any person with SA – do not go down the body language rabbit hole like me, this will make your state significantly worse, and more so, it will make your possible recovery that much harder.

  14. Kocham twój angielski! Marzę żeby być na takim poziomie!
    W ogóle bardzo podobał mi się twój podcast i bardzo mnie pochłonił i posłuchałam go całego.
    Pozdrawiam.

  15. I just watched your video about social anxiety and as soon as i heard the voice I knew I heard it before and I got excited (because i loved the one about depression watched it many times) and now i found your podcasts im like honestly super excited lol

  16. I don't know if I have social anxiety and I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I get really nervous around people I don't know so idk what to do

  17. My problem is that I WANT therapy but what I'm suppose to say? "I'm here because I wanna know if I have social anxiety or if there's something wrong with me?"
    I'm just scared because what if I open my mind/heart and talk about it and finally they realise it's not that serious? I don't wanna waste anybody time. Also, I don't know if it's better go to at psychiatric, psychologist… because here in Spain, you go at first at family doctor (or GP) and then they derive you to whatever they want.
    I don't wanna be like a toy or a burden, I'm scared because I feel lost about that topic in my country and even my family doesn't care enough to think that it's a serious illness.
    I don't know what to do anymore.

    Sorry if this is too long or if I made some mistakes, English isn't my 1st language.

  18. Uwielbiam Ciebie i Twoją twórczość, ale po tym filmiku polubiłam Cię jeszcze bardziej (jeśli to możliwe!). "Not good enough" to chyba moje życiowe motto (a raczej przekleństwo), nie wiem czy to co teraz napiszę ma sens, ale nie potrafię znaleźć pomysłu na siebie, bo mam w sobie blokadę, która nie pozwala mi brać się za coś, w czym nie jestem absolutnym mistrzem. Lubię tworzyć, u mnie przejawia się to w postaci pieczenia tortów, ale jako swój najbardziej surowy krytyk, nigdy nie byłam jeszcze w 100% zadowolona z tego co zrobiłam. A skoro ja widzę jakieś niedociągnięcia, to inni na pewno też (oczywiście nie informują mnie o tym z grzeczności). Co do innych przejawów fobii społecznej, wszystko się zgadza, poza tym zawsze miałam wrażenie, że nie posiadłam umiejętności rozmawiania, prowadzenia dialogu. W domu, z bliskimi jest ok, przy reszcie czuję się jak kompletna idiotka, która nie potrafi poprawnie sklecić zdania i nie ma NIC ciekawego do powiedzenia (w większości sytuacji nie wiem co powiedzieć, ewentualnie palnę jakąś głupotę, o której później rozmyślam przez tydzień, lub dwa – ewentualnie pół roku). Ciężko się tak żyje. Kiedyś myślałam, że coś jest ze mną nie tak, może to jakieś upośledzenie umysłowe, może po prostu jestem dziwakiem. Dopiero wiele lat później dowiedziałam się o fobii społecznej. A po tym filmiku poważnie zastanawiam się nad terapią. Fajnie byłoby pozbyć się problemu, który poniekąd popsuł mi najlepsze, najbardziej beztroskie lata mojego życia (i sprawił, że moje "love life" nie istnieje :D). Niestety wciąż trzeba uświadamiać ludzi, że osoby cierpiące na tego typu zaburzenia to nie dziwaki, których należy unikać, jest ich w naszym otoczeniu naprawdę wiele, ale ponieważ chorują na "niewidzialną" chorobę, nie zdajemy sobie z tego sprawy. Dziękuję Ci i życzę powodzenia w terapii, mam nadzieję, że sama w końcu się na nią odważę 🙂

  19. I totally like your straight forward, unpretentious and honest style. I just stumbled on your channel by accident but we have many things in common which is why I can relate to everything you say.
    That tip with Cognitive Distortions is really valuble though.

    (Btw, I'm a professional artist who works in animation, including having worked on Disney and other major animated features, and I still constantly think I'm not good enough.)

  20. HI! I have some tips for social anxiety on my channel. I suffered social anxiety for seven years and finally got out of it thanks to these tips. Check em out:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6dIVOK84dg

  21. I'm still in the middle of this, but I heard your fear of speaking English…and I just want to say you're doing a beautiful job!!! Don't be self conscious about your English. It's amazing.💕💕💕💕I thought it was your 1st language! 😀🌈👍🏼

  22. Definitely feel that I am a burden. I ask is it okay. I also ask if I offended them at all and if they're mad at me

  23. Amazing video! You speak so clearly and you are so articulated.
    I too have social anxiety,. I am viewing this today because I had a bad day, an anxious day and needed some support. Now I am wishing I had a therapist, just don't know where to search for one. I don't want online therapy.
    I would go to a therapist if I didn't fear my family's opinion, specialy my psychiatrist sister who I a live with. I don't know what to do.

  24. Kasiu, jakiś czas temu trafiłam na Twój film o fs. Od tego czasu nie mogłam przestać myśleć o tym czy to, przypadkiem, nie dotyczy mnie. Do tej pory usprawiedliwiałam się twierdząc, że po prostu jestem wstydliwa i zakompleksiona. Sądząc dodatkowo, że nie da się nic z tym zrobić, że tak musi być. Przed chwilą skończyłam oglądać powyższy film i nie mogę powstrzymać łez, bo już wiem co mi jest. Zdałam sobie sprawę z tego, że zmarnowałam połowę zycia przez fs… Jak nie więcej, nie pamiętam kiedy to się zaczęło. Albo inaczej, nie pamiętam żeby kiedykolwiek było inaczej. Mam te same objawy, co Ty plus kilka bonusowych. I podobnie, jak u Ciebie, w Internecie albo wśród bliskich znajomych czy rodziny bariery znikają.
    Fakt, że wiem już co mi jest i potrafię to nazwać satysfakcjonuje mnie tylko odrobinę bo wiem, że minie sporo czasu zanim zdecyduje się cokolwiek z tym fantem zrobić. Jednak, egoistyczna co prawda, myśl o tym, że nie jestem sama jedyna ze swoją przypadłoscią, podniosła mnie odrobinę na duchu. Dodatkowo to, że Ty Kasiu dzięki terapii czujesz się lepiej, daję mi nadzieję na normalne życie w przyszłości. Jest jeszcze szansa, że będę mogła być sobą i pokazać, przede wszystkim sobie, że jestem coś warta.
    Dziękuję Ci bardzo. Za ten film, doskonale zdaje sobie sprawę z tego, ile trudu Cię kosztował. Za nadzieję, dodanie otuchy i odwagi.
    Mamy tyle szans ile odwagi.
    Jesteś wspaniała ❤

  25. Hi! I'm new to the channel and I find your content so helpful.

    Yes, i felt/feel that way, i call friends to hang out but i dont do it too often because i dont want being a burden when they've never told me ever i am .
    I usually imagine scenearios when I feel uncomfortable, in a place or with people but I found out that i was being too self conscious of myself and just let things happen, trying not to overthinking, it was hard but now i hardly ever do it. By the way, Anna Akana's videos helped me a lot, she talks about mental health too.

    Im not diagnosed but i think my anxiety is low and i'm learning to control it by myself, going into therapy is an option too but when i watch videos about anxiety, yeah, i feel related because of the symptomes but what i mostly saw are people who dont use to listen to themselves and i do, i analyse things i do and im getting better on my own. I was very shy years ago and that's refrained me to do things i want to do and i tried to face those fears little by little by myself (i havent thought about therapy in that time because i didnt know it was an option) and now i think i got rid of it, just that i've realised i have anxiety and firstly i want to try to cope it by myself because i did it once, of course i have stigma about therapy but i'm trying to not think like that and seeing it like a possible option.

  26. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety last year and am an artist myself , and my girlfriend has a way more severe anxiety than me, also an artist, yet it was caused by bullying for both of us,
    And I immediately stopped drawing while listening to you, talking about this topic and saying 'Yes.' Too loud after you mentioned the call calling and texting bother. This is one of the things I always do, thank you for mentioning this point.

  27. Everytime I enter a room full of people I imagine a scenario in which as I walk into the room I step on my shoe lace or twist my ankle and fall to the ground. I replay it in my head just thinking about how ridiculous I'd look sitting there on the ground beating myself up for failing to do something so simple. All I had to do is just walk to a chair how could I be this clumsy?
    I have anxiety over events that didn't even happen and most likely aren't going to happen.

  28. Fajny film ^^ w sumie… to też tak mam. Tyle że nie mam tak że nie napisze pierwsza. W internecie jestem bardziej otwarta. No i ciężko jest mi przebywać w tłumie :/

  29. Could you help me?
    I'm not sure if I have social anxiety, because: I'm so scared to talk to people that I don't have confidence, for example, I'm so scared of going to buy bread or things like that. I'm also soooo scared of talking in public and making a mistake, or just to talk in public. But then, when I talk to my friends I'm so confident and outgoing. I don't know how I feel really, I'm so insecure and negative.

  30. University was a nightmare for me. I couldn't even go to the toilet in exams when I really really needed to go I'd sit there for an hour dying to pee but I cudnt handle the thought of people looking at me walking down the exam aisle. I used to force myself to oversleep so I didn't have to go to uni. If I did go to uni I'd get a migraine from the amount of overthinking I went through. I always sit alone. If I am too hot I don't take off my jacket becos what if someone thinks my shirt is ugly or am I fat. If I am too cold I don't want people thinking I'm weird for feeling cold becos what if they think it's hot. I'd get to university early becos I didn't want people looking at me walking in. My only safe place was the gym the only place I could breathe and feel safe. But then one day two men decide to wink at me and wolf whistle outside the gym. They ended up going to my gym also and they started to talk to me. I started to cry and a panic attack started becos they were scaring me. Worst day of my life. My panic attack continued until I reached home and just laid on the floor till i fell asleep. I failed my final year at university becos of my anxiety. No one will ever understand not my family not my friends. I may dress well and curl my hair and put on makeup but that doesn't mean I think I am the best. I am constantly shaking inside with every step I take hoping anyone who walks past doesn't think anything negative about me. The friends I do have which is really not many I hate to burden them too. I hate asking people for anything it burns my heart. I have too many stories like this anyway. I like to think of it like this now "one step at a time" These videos really help me see I am not the only one. Thankyou so much. I love you art and your voice is so soothing.

  31. For me, idk but my anxiety is coming right after I came home from being outside. When I'm home, I'll think bout what I did outside, who I met, and stuff like that. After that I'll be extremely nervous, I can't even close my eyes. I'll keep thinking that I was stupid, I did mistake, they will think that I am stuoid, they will talk bout how bad I am. they will think that I am rude, that I am bla bla bla in bad ways. For that reason I dont like to start conversation, I dont like meeting people who are not totally close with me. It's fine for me to go out ( for my own, like buying my stuff as long as Im not interacting with people). Please give me ur opinion, do you think this is one of sa symptoms ? thank you
    btw, I always like ur video ❤❤❤

  32. I sometimes tell the silly things aka SA examples to my parents or siblings but they would just go with…youre overeacting or i am just being extra or with plain "luh sya" "what?" and I thought they arent thinkin about this? why? I supposed Im abnormal then.

  33. I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much. I thought I didn't have social anxiety before but f*ck, this is exactly what I go through especially with my art..

  34. I just realized I have social anxiety a few moths ago, so I don't know much about it. My entire life I suffered from it but I thought it was shyness. For the entire time I was seeing this video I thought "OMG…am I just listening to my story life?!". My family has a closed mind so I don't have courage enough to say "I have social anxiety" because I'm afraid they will just think I'm dramatic. I think even though I will try to get help because I have a dream that is being damaged because of this. So…THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR JOB and please be healthy and take care…

  35. I actually never had the chance to meet the psychiatrist, but i think i had social anxiety too, based on the signs that i read from internet
    I experienced the same thing as you, i dont really remember, but maybe yours was worst than mine. I was really scared to having a small talk with stranger, even when i order some food/drink. One thing that i clearly remember, about 4 years ago, I wanted to top up my credit. I was stuttering when i talk to the saler and turned out i said the wrong number of my phone. I realized it after i said it, but i wasnt brave enough to tell her. So I just walked away after i purchase it, but luckily, she walked to me and said that i probably said the wrong number 😅
    A lot of things happen in those time, and I maybe had social anxiety for years. I diagnosed myself about 2 or a year ago, i tried to cure myself cuz my mom didn't let me to meet the psychiatrist (she said that it just because i dont want to socialize with anyone, and me having a mental disorder is just doesnt make sense)
    Luckily, eventhough i never meet a therapist, I can slowly cured. It's not like that i 100% cured, but at least it wasn't as worst as before
    I always try to convince myself that people might judging me, but they doesnt always judge me in bad way. Last time, my friend's friend staring at me, i thought i probably looks weird. But days after, she said that i looks pretty 😂
    I tried to join some community and events, meet with new people. I'm still stuttering when i talk to them, but after we meet the right topics for our conversation, i can talk to them comfortably (still a bit awkward, but better)

    I believe everyone can do the same thing as me, everyone can be cured. As long as you socialize with the right people, who can cheer you up, who understands you, who always there when you need, who wants to listen to your problem, then you can decrease your anxiety 🙂
    ps: sorry for my bad english. i'm not a native speaker 😂

  36. And plus, i wanna say, thank you so much for the videos you made💕
    I feel relieved that someone who experienced the same thing as me, talks publicly. I feel like I'm not the only weird person in this world 😂
    I always want to understand each disorder and study them. I want to help people too. I want people to know that disorder is not a weird thing, but we have to know other people experience the same.
    I want to make them believe that it can be cured.

  37. Yes the calling thing, and bathroom thing happens to me too~
    And I admire you for speaking english, it takes alot of discipline to learn . I never thought There'd be a youtuber I related to so much.
    Thankyou for your work~ it really helps 💚

  38. I signed up for better help, but they said that my case needs a face to face therapy and didn't agree to help me out so I dont think online therapy is for everyone ;_;

  39. Okey you just calmed my self hate down by (look out metaphor) looking me in the eye and telling me it's not the truth what I say to myself or anyone else (but my therapist) says to me all the time. Hearing this makes me feel so much more comfortable with myself, knowing it's normal and not something wrong with me. Thank you very much, I love you, have a good day/life. ❤

  40. ALL OF THIS – COMMENTS AND VIDEO – SO RELATABLE. I AM NOT USED TO PEOPLE WHO FEEL LIKE ME BUT I LOVE IT.

  41. This video has been such a help. I’ve been always thinking I was shy, but it wasn’t really true, because I always felt that my problem was opening up to people. So then I thought I was an introvert, and I’m an introvert. But after watching your video of social anxiety and listening this one I feel I have lots of things in common. Maybe I wasn’t scared of going to the toilet, but always I ring someone or text anyone first I feel I have to apologise a thousand times and that feels really awkward. Also, I do some irrational stuff such as avoiding a talk or a meeting with someone just because I’m afraid of what I can do, or preparing conversations like asking the size of clothes or thinking how to tell a waiter that my glass is dirty.
    So maybe I have a little of social anxiety, I don’t know, but I’ve felt really good when I’ve been watching your videos because I feel the same in some way.

  42. I have that feeling that I'm always disturbing someone whenever I talk to someone and always try to get confirmation that I'm not disturbing someone and always wait so that I can find an opening where I can talk to them without disturbing them

  43. Nie na temat, ale masz piękny głos, jest taki czysty, ciepły i przyjemny, że mogłabym Cię słuchać w nieskończoność. W dodatku tak pięknie mówisz po angielsku 😍

  44. Thank you for sharing your experiences that completely relateable. After watching this I'm convinced to get a therapy asap. I'm 18 right now and going to be 19 in close time, I hope I'm not too late. Well, I always feel suffered my heart's beating too fast until it hurts my chest, my hands always get sweaty, my heads hurt, etc whenever I'm in public. My parents can't help but get angry to me whenever I'm freezed in public because it embarassed them and myself, ofcourse. And the sad thing is that I actually don't like it to be like that and I hate it when I make my parents sad. Everything's just so stressful :'). But once again, thank you very much for creating this video! Wish you always be success since you are amazing! 👍

  45. this helped me alot. thank you very much, am also an artist, well at least i put all my emotions in my art. i had a suicide comic drawn, every one of my friends liked it but nobody thought it was about me. art is only place i can be free of judgment, your experience made me realise a lot of things and am very grateful for you because i know how hard it must have been to upload this, thank you for being brave, i appreciate it.

  46. everyone has different levels of social anxiety. mine was alot worse when i was in middle school and high school i was the kid who girls thought was cute and attractive at first, and then realized was a mute stuttering wierdo. now im 26, i still have pretty intense anxiety considering im going through other shit as well. im been balding since i was 17 so thats always been an insecurity. im a perfectionist and have body dysmorphic disorder so my appearance has always been a trigger for me and going bald isnt exactly going to help my mental health as im an above average looking guy wholl soon be hideous. "atleast im goodlooking" was a crutch i always used whenever my anxiety went out of control or was feeling worthless. i have a high paying job at the moment as a software engineer so i doing better then alot of people financially but i am always afraid ill loose it since i can hardly talk to my coworker at work since theyre all loud obnoxious extroverts who talk about random shit all day. i close myself off and sit in my corner all day. my anxiety tells me that my boss thinks im a weirdo and will eventually fire me. still im doing alot better then where i was younger . so there definitely hope for improvement. also my social media footprint is limited since posting stuff on facebook/snapchat self gives me intense anxiety and i become ocd over watching how people react to it/if ill get any likes/enough likes, especially now that im very much visibally bald. so its note even worth it

  47. I don't know if I have Social Anxiety. However, I notice some weird feelings that contain me when I make social communication. Even if that's via an onlie group chat. I always feel the heat rushing to my face and my heartbeats fasten when the conversation is directed at me. I think it's weird because over an online chat others can't see me obviously, but I still feel this way.

  48. Thank you for making this! It's really refreshing and assuring hearing someone else with social anxiety talk about it.
    I feel the same about the "missed opportunities" in my life and it was also the reason that motivated me to go into therapy.
    Wish you all the best on your journey – you have a great, artistic voice/style and a good sense for aesthetic.
    Oh also on the whole moving to another country thing! I actually found it to be helpful. Sure it's scary, but I traveled with a friend and it also offered a sense of anonymity. Made it easier for me to go to therapy, as I didn't need to fear someone finding out w/o me wanting it and applying their stigma.

  49. When you mentioned being abroad, I actually find my social anxiety is lower when abroad, I'm not sure why, but I feel more relaxed and because of people's different culture or language, I am able to communicate better and not worry about what they are thinking, sometimes a language barrier comes to my benefit in socially anxious situations. When I'm at home I always feel that people are better than me at communicating and a lot of the time they dominate the conversation which affects me because I end up nodding and saying yes or no most the time instead of being able to contribute to the conversation.

  50. I also feel a burden on those occasions, it is also hard for me to keep eye contact, also to go to the restroom when I'm in a room full of people, and the same happens to me when I have to approach a group of people. Elevators are a nightmare as well, and it is also very hard for me to ask for something else when I'm at a shop. And of course I need to know everything as well, because if not I'm the stupidest person in the world.

  51. i do try to make ppl know i dont wanna be annoying its like i wish they dont think im shameless and useless

  52. I think I have anxiety but I should look more into if I have it. I also have add which I weird because some days I don't think about most of the things I do but the days that does happen. I think about everything I did and how I fucked up so….. Am I bipolar too.

  53. I have really bad social anxiety as well, and i relate to eveything you said, ive been wanting to go to a therapist so bad for years so I can get better at being more social, but my anxiety won't even allow me to ask my parents to take me…. anyways, thank you for all of your videos on social anxiety, these have really helped me❤

  54. coincidentally, my name is Kat and I also have social anxiety. I do art and love filmmaking too? oh my god

  55. I am afraid of the word no because it makes me feel very embarrassed and unwanted or Just being told no because I’m unlikable

  56. I relate to all of what you listed but no one on the internet i've seen mentioned the physical appearance, like i'm not the only one who thinks people will think i'm ugly or super plain right? and it makes me even more anxious 😐

  57. I'm a native English speaker from Australia, and just want to let you know that your English is perfect! I have watched several of your videos and didn't even realise that English wasn't your first language until after a few. I know this may not reassure you, but please believe me when I say you should be proud of how well you speak English and not embarrassed.

  58. Hello Kat! I've got a question: What was the first thing that you said when you went to see the psychiatrist? I'm thinking about seeing a psychiatrist too, but I wouldn't know what to say…

  59. The part about people telling you to get out of your comfort zone really resonates with me. I hate when people who dont understand SAD tell you that "you just need to get out more" 😠😠

  60. this video made me cry. i know it’s old but it is amazing to see you opening up about your struggles. i suffer from social anxiety since i’m 8. i hardly ever admit that i have this illness because it makes me feel ashamed and horrible. hearing somone who i admire describing the same situations i live completely overwhelmed me. thank you so much nat, you are amazing💕

  61. Thank you for making video like this kat 🙂 Now, i dont feel alone anymore. I always wonder why it is so hard for me to socialize like a normal person. Asking questions always brings me worries and i end up not making any. Ordering food is like a nightmare as im scared of saying the menu wrongly. I always overanalyze stuffs and blame myself when i think i did mistakes. However, im trying my best to be a better me and your videos are my motivation ! Let's be happy again.

  62. Aaah i love how you are so close to us because you dealt with too, it's like a big sister haha thanks a lot for sharing your experiences in this topic. I'd add it's very ressourceful to see what's inside a social anxiety mind to see it got so much to offer, i mean look at you now 🙂

  63. "I know i would have been in a different place by now if it wasn't for my social anxiety" this. Only THIS.
    My life's so shitty atm

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